Before I knew my purpose, I was a people-pleaser, trying to make everyone happy (no, that wasn’t my purpose). Unfortunately, I couldn’t make everyone happy, and I was exhausted and depressed most of the time, making myself unhappy in the process.
In a fit of frustration, I put a pause on the people-pleasing with the thought: “I need to work on me. Everyone can pretend I’m not here for a while.” And everything went on like it always had. Nothing fell apart because I wasn’t there to try to make everyone happy. Funny how that works.
I took the time to think about what I enjoyed, what fed my heart. I journaled about what I was good at and what I enjoyed – the intersection of which is usually an indicator of purpose.
Your purpose isn’t something that jumps out one day to reveal itself after you’ve searched long and hard enough.
It’s always hiding in plain sight, in the last place you’d look – inside you.
The process of learning what made me happy gave me the tools to help others find their own happiness. I learned that all my people pleasing could never make anyone else happy. And I knew it didn’t make me happy, not in any deeply heartfelt way.
Being happy is a choice that you make. It’s not anyone else’s job or responsibility to make you happy. Nothing anyone does can bring you true happiness. It’s an internal decision that’s never based on externalities. You can decide to be happy, no matter what. And so can everyone else in your life.
What Is Life Purpose?
Your life purpose isn’t a title or role or what you do. It’s how you are in all your roles. It’s something you’ve been doing almost all your life without realizing it.
It’s something that’s such a part of who you are that it’s hard for you to see it.
My purpose is to help people live happier lives. When I thought about it, I’ve been talking with people who came to me since I was a kid, helping them work through challenges and find their own paths to happiness.
Ways that I express my purpose are:
- Writing books and articles based on what I’ve learned on my journey to happiness
- Writing responses to questions left by readers in blog comments and emails
- Accepting my kids for who they are and drawing out their unique gifts and qualities (not what I think they should be, but who they uniquely are – their purpose)
- Supporting my husband in his art and other interests and helping him to see when he’s getting in his own way of expressing himself
- Talking with coworkers, friends, family, clients, and others about what could help them be happier, asking probing questions to get them to think more deeply from their hearts.
After working with a friend, she discovered that her purpose is to be ‘glue,’ as she defined it. She’s a very social person who loves to connect with others. She’s the ‘glue’ that connects people and holds them together in ways that help them, and she loves it. Whether it’s networking with people professionally or visiting with friends and family, she brings people together in ways that improve their lives.
Simple Steps to Finding Your Purpose
You don’t have to spend a ton of money on ‘purpose finding’ programs. You do need to make some focused time for deep introspection. Write down your answers to these questions:
- What have you enjoyed doing most of your life that’s uniquely you?
- How would those close to you describe you?
- What aspects of your personality have helped others?
- What are you good at that you enjoy doing?
- What would you do all day if you had all the money you needed?
- What do others ask for your help with on a regular basis?
- What strengths are consistent in many of your answers so far?
- Who do you admire? What qualities do you admire in these people? What would it look like for you to express these qualities? What would that feel like?
- What experiences have made you feel the most alive?
- What types of experiences feed your energy?
- What’s your superpower?
Ask people close to you who know you well what your superpower is. What’s that thing that comes easily for you, that’s part of who you are that’s difficult for others? You think that it’s common and anyone can do it, but you’re wrong. Those close to you can help you identify this power in you.
After you’ve completed these exercises, take some time to reflect on your answers. What are the common themes? What pops out and excites you? How can you incorporate that into everything you do? In all your roles?
Take some time – days or weeks – to let all this percolate in you. Let your subconscious work on it. Don’t let your monkey mind get all freaked out about what comes up. Listen to what’s in your heart.
Give yourself permission to change your old beliefs that told you to be a certain way to appease others. How can you be more uniquely you in all aspects of your life?
When you start expressing this ‘uniquely you’ part of yourself, you’ll find yourself becoming happier.
These changes may unsettle those close to you who have come to expect you to be a certain way. Don’t go back. Spend less time with people who don’t support this ‘new you’ and more time with those who do.
Experiment a little each day with what you do, how you communicate and how you think. At the end of each day, journal about what you did and what you learned. Use what you learned in tomorrow’s experiment.
Find Your Gifts
Your purpose isn’t something to find “out there.” It’s in your heart, waiting to be discovered. It’s already a part of you that you’ve never allowed to see the light of day. Or maybe you have and you haven’t realized it yet.
I believe that everyone was put on this earth to express their gifts to the world in their own unique way. You can’t do that if you’re trying to live someone else’s dream or life or doing what you think others expect of you.
You must be uniquely you and express your gifts if you want to be happy. It may take time, but you’ll find the right people to connect with who truly appreciate what you have to offer.
Create the life you want: Combine the law of attraction with mindfulness
The law of attraction suggests that our positive or negative thoughts bring about positive or negative experiences. My latest book, The Mindful Guide to Law of Attraction, pairs that belief with the powerful practices of mindfulness. Through intentional breathing, writing, and engaging, you’ll hone a method for manifesting health, wealth, and love―the elements of happiness.
Let the law of attraction work for you by adopting its basic steps of identifying and visualizing the things you desire. Then use 45 practical meditation techniques included in the book to achieve awareness. By concentrating your positive energy on obtaining your wants, you’ll give yourself permission to receive them.
To your happiness! ~Paige
You can find this book at Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Books-A-Million, and Indigo.
The Mindful Living Guide
Thank you so much, Paige, for explaining how to find one’s purpose in such simple, down to earth manner. You list simple things you can do each day that will help you fulfill your purpose in life, such as writing articles and answers, helping other people that are in your life, supporting your family. A purpose is not one big thing that you find and accomplish, rather, it is a way of life and living… taking small steps to fulfill your destiny.
I especially enjoyed your list of tips that can help you find your purpose… like “What have you enjoyed doing…”, your strengths, etc. In most cases, the things we used to enjoy as children and young adults, get swept away by rules and traditions and routine…that leave people lost and unfulfilled. Amazing insights! Love this post!
Loved these graphics! For me personally finding life purpose is a lifetime and never ending journey. Maybe it simply means, that I haven’t found my purpose yet.
Or it means that you’re already living your purpose, Vaness. I don’t think a life purpose can be easily wrapped up and decided upon. It evolves as we grow and learn. The journey you live can very well be your purpose.
I have never been exposed to the concept of Ikigai. I like it. The graphics are really good and help you really zero in. I think as you say, my purpose is “hiding in plain sight”. I’ve always heard to think back to what you felt compelled and attracted to as a child – before all life’s “shoulds” entered the picture. For me, that would be writing.
Ikigai looks at the process much more holistically. Your purpose isn’t just a job. It’s more about how you do any job you choose. If writing is your calling, there are tons of ways to express that but far fewer ways for you to express it in ways that are right for you. That’s where knowing your core values is critical. If you don’t make choices in alignment with your values, it’s unlikely those choices will make you happy.
This a wonderful list of ways to find your life purpose, Paige. It is so needed especially for those who are struggling with finding some direction in their life. I can also relate to being a people pleaser. It is way to cope that I feel we learned as a child. Yet I have found through the years, to look out for myself as well and to have more clarity around where I’m headed.
Cathy,
You’ve noted one of the most important pieces in this process: looking out for yourself. No one else gets to live your life, and it’s not your job to try to live theirs. It can be difficult, but living in accordance with your values and making choices that are right for you are critical in making the right choices as you move forward in your journey – no matter what others think.
Oh, this point right here: “Your life purpose isn’t a title or role or what you do. It’s how you are in all your roles.” So insightful. The older I get, the more I detest the question, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” It implies that our career is what we *are*, and can lead to such confusion about *who* we are. Love this post!
I love asking adults “What do you want to be when you grow up?” because, to me, it harkens back to childhood when this allowed you to dream about what the future might hold. In my mind, asking an adult (especially an older adult) this question allows them to dream again.
Back in 2008 when I was looking for a job and was doing a ton of networking, the “icebreaker” question that I used was that one. I was never very interested in what job the other person held at that moment. It was always much more interesting to ask about what they dreamed about and why. For some, I think it gave them permission to dream again and maybe see that their dreams weren’t so unattainable.
Looking at it this way, what you do becomes an expression of who you are. The answers I received were rarely job titles. They were descriptions of lifestyles.
I love that you took a break and everyone survived, Paige! For the longest time, I felt like there was something else waiting for me, but eventually I realized I’m already actualizing my life purpose through my writing. What a relief and inspiration to discover this. These are terrific questions and I want to spend some time with them in my journal to hone my purpose even more. Recently, I realized I love reading and sharing about what I’ve read, so that’s added another dimension to my purposes.
I think there’s a common misconception that there’s something ‘more’ waiting for us. It’s great to finally realize that we’re already doing our purpose!
yes relate to this having been a people pleaser. Once we embrace our passion with our purpose magic happenns xo
Exactly Suzie! Passion and purpose are often intertwined. Allowing ourselves to express these in our own ways certainly does create magic!
This is a super simple description of life purpose Paige. It can be made to sound so complicated when it really isn’t. “It’s something that’s such a part of who you are that it’s hard for you to see it” is so true and such a wise insight towards helping others determine what they purpose in life is really all about. Love this 🙂
Thank you Elle! There’s so much messaging out there that makes it seem so difficult to “find” your purpose. It’s really a matter of being mindful of yourself and what’s in your heart and expressing your own unique self to the world.