Our society teaches us that taking care of ourselves first is selfish and a bad thing.  I think that’s a bunch of BS.

On an airplane, we’re instructed to put on our own oxygen masks first, before helping a child do the same.  If you think that’s a crazy idea, realize that you’re not much help to anyone if you’ve passed out due to lack of oxygen because you tried to help everyone else first.

Apply this to your everyday life.

Taking care of yourself = keeping your cup full.  If you don’t do things to keep your cup full, you have nothing left to give or share with others.

This tends to be a tough concept for most women.  We’ve been programmed genetically and socially to be the caregivers, to put others first.  We think we don’t deserve to take care of ourselves until everyone else is happy.

Guess what.  Everyone else is never happy.  It’s a pointless quest that does nothing but suck the life out of us.

The Reality of Life: Too Busy

While I usually do a half-decent job of keeping my cup full, the past couple of months have not been the case.

I work a full-time job, have three kids (7, 10 and 12 years old), an amazing husband and animals to care for, and I’ve been working on a side business that I would love to see flourish.  While my husband is a HUGE help with the kids, chores and much more (they’re with him all day while he works his own businesses), it’s still a lot for both of us to do.

Things blew up at work a while ago and haven’t quite calmed down yet.  This has consumed all too much of my limited energy.

Normally I would get up at 4:30am to have a little quiet “me” time before everyone else wakes up.  Starting my day with yoga and a little meditation makes a huge difference in my ability to handle the stresses of the day.

At work, I would take 15 or 20 minutes to go for a walk in the afternoon to clear my head and get my blood pumping.  After sitting at my desk all day, it feels great to get up and move around and I come back with a clearer head.

On the weekends I would take time to read things that inspire me and write.

All these things fill my cup.  They feed my soul.  They make me smile.

Unfortunately, over the past bunch of months, I’ve been telling myself that I’m “too busy” to do any of these things.  While this happens every now and then to all of us, when I started doing it every day, it became an unhealthy habit.

I sleep the extra hour, telling myself that I need the rest, all the while knowing that yoga and meditation give me much more energy than that extra hour of tossing in bed.

In the morning I tell myself that I’ll get out and take that walk in the afternoon.  I even set up reminders on my calendar that pop up to remind me to walk.  I get all involved in solving the latest issue, click the dismiss button on the reminder and say that I don’t have time now, I’ll go in a little while.  But that time never comes.  The day is over and I haven’t walked.

On the weekends, I get distracted by all the cleaning and projects around the house that need my attention – all the things I didn’t have time for during the week.  And I don’t read inspiring things or do anything fun.

As I continue forward, pouring out of my cup to take care of everyone and everything around me, I’m feeling that dry, cracked feeling at the bottom of my cup.  It’s bone dry.

And empty cups lead to burnout and breakdown.

I’m more tired with every passing day.  I’m angry and frustrated that I haven’t taken any time to work on my business.  I feel like I have put my real life on hold and I’m getting a bit resentful.

The whole thing sucks.

In the “old days” I used to blame others for all this.  In my head, I created a reality that said that everyone had certain expectations of me and that I had to live up to them, or else.  In reality, very few, if any, of those expectations existed but I made others wrong for having them (when they actually didn’t have them). I would get bitter and resentful.  That only made everything worse for me and my loved ones.

The Way Out

Today I realize that I have created this mess and only I can get myself out of it.

It’s my responsibility to take the time to do what feeds my soul – first.

When I do this, the world won’t fall apart.  People won’t hate me.  People won’t think I’m an incompetent loser.  People won’t think I’m selfish.

When I do this, I’m happier.  I have more energy to care for my loved ones.  I’m calmer.  My body feels better.  My mind is clearer.  People want to be around me because I’m giving off good, positive energy.

So the more I do for myself, the more I can do for others.  It’s one of Nature’s laws.

I would rather live in a world of happy people expressing their passions and helping others in the process than a bunch of tired, resentful people blaming everyone and everything for their life situation.

Speaking from my own personal, self-interest:  Please go out and fill your own cup.  I, along with those close to you, will be glad you did.

What do you do to keep your cup full?

What does your life look like when you don’t?

Visit my Recommended Resources page where I post the latest list of books, programs, and products that I’ve found to be particularly helpful in growing your mindfulness and meditation practices.

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The law of attraction suggests that our positive or negative thoughts bring about positive or negative experiences.  My latest book, The Mindful Guide to Law of Attraction, pairs that belief with the powerful practices of mindfulness. Through intentional breathing, writing, and engaging, you’ll hone a method for manifesting health, wealth, and love―the elements of happiness.

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