Our society seems to thrive on the victim mentality that says that most issues in our lives have been created by other people and things. The judicial system is built on this principle. The media relies on it to sell news.
What I’m writing here may be controversial and there are so many shades of grey that I couldn’t possibly cover them all. I’m simply writing from my own life experiences.
I used to think I was a very responsible person. In terms of taking care of life’s daily responsibilities like getting to work on time and paying the bills, I am.
In terms of taking personal responsibility for my life, not so much. I blamed my husband for many issues in my life. I blamed my parents, my finances, my job, you name it. If I wasn’t happy, it was someone else’s fault and that kept me in a very unhappy place. If my happiness was up to others, I learned that I would never be happy. And I really wanted to be happy.
So I started looking at myself. How was I contributing to my happiness or unhappiness? How was I repeating patterns and unconscious reactions over and over, expecting a different response each time (isn’t that the definition of insanity?)?
How did my words and actions affect others? How much did my environment really affect me? Or was it just my interpretation of my environment?
It is my conclusion that we are all responsible for everything in our lives. There is no one to blame for anything. For most people, it’s a pretty hard pill to swallow. To accept radical responsibility for our lives.
If you don’t like how you look and feel, it’s not the fault of your genes, kids, spouse, job, house, friends, the economy, the government or anything or anyone else. If you don’t like something, it’s up to you and only you to change it.
No one is going to change anything for you so stop sitting around and waiting for it. Stop getting mad that others aren’t stumbling over themselves to help or fix you. Many times others are trying to help you and you won’t let them because you enjoy the drama and attention of a “troubled” life.
Your life is the way it is because of the choices you make every day, every hour, every minute, every second. Choices like:
- What, how much and when you eat and drink all day
- Who you talk to and what you say
- What time you get up in the morning and go to bed at night
- Whether you exercise or sleep longer
- What your mood is (yes, you control this)
- Reacting to people and situations with knee-jerk reactions or thoughtful responses
- Whether you watch TV or work on a hobby, passion or business or connect with your kids or friends
- Whether you read more of this post and open your mind to something new or stop reading and stay where you are.
If you want to lose weight, you can’t go on a 2 week diet and expect anything to change. To lose weight and keep it off, you have to change many aspects of your life. This is one of the big reasons that diets don’t work. You can’t expect to restrict your eating for a few weeks (if you could make it that long) then go back to your old ways and expect your body not to go back to its old ways.
You have to make new choices all day every day. And you have to start enjoying the new choices.
If you want more money, you can’t complain that you’re not paid enough at your job or that the government takes too much in taxes or that the economy sucks and prevents you from making more. There are tons of people making a killing in this economy because they’re making different choices. They know it’s up to them to create a different financial picture and they’re out there taking action toward their goals.
If you want a better relationship, you can’t berate your partner for what they aren’t giving you or for the crap they are giving you. Many times you get what you ask for. Look at how your behavior causes the other person to act the way they do. Do they act the same way around other people? Make a new choice to open a meaningful dialogue and really listen to the other person without thinking about how you will respond. If you don’t truly listen, you’ll create the same old conversations or arguments.
Let me know how you have taken radical responsibility in your life and what the results have been. If you don’t quite understand how you could do that in your life, ask. I would love to help you.
Create the life you want: Combine the law of attraction with mindfulness
The law of attraction suggests that our positive or negative thoughts bring about positive or negative experiences. My latest book, The Mindful Guide to Law of Attraction, pairs that belief with the powerful practices of mindfulness. Through intentional breathing, writing, and engaging, you’ll hone a method for manifesting health, wealth, and love―the elements of happiness.
Let the law of attraction work for you by adopting its basic steps of identifying and visualizing the things you desire. Then use 45 practical meditation techniques included in the book to achieve awareness. By concentrating your positive energy on obtaining your wants, you’ll give yourself permission to receive them.
To your happiness! ~Paige
You can find this book at Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Books-A-Million, and Indigo.
The Mindful Living Guide
Paige,
Geat post! For more than 5 years I complianed about not liking my job, but did nothing about it. Those years were miserable!
Once I took responsibility for my own actions, I actively started working on alternatives to that job. Now I am on track to be self-employed by the end of this year. It is a lot of hard work, but it feels really good to be making progress towards our dreams and not just sitting around complaining about how things are.
Mike
That’s awesome, Mike!
No one can do it for you. Without taking responsibility for what happens in your life, you’ll always succumb to someone else’s idea of what your life should be like.
I predict that you’ll hit your goal well before the end of the year!
Paige: great words of wisdom that are obviously the reflection of a life that is under construction. I appreciate the honest and direct way that you share your perspective about life and the personal responsibility for change. I am looking forward to hearing more about the personal journey toward success. Keep writing, reflecting, and sharing.
Thanks Ronnie!
Yes, we’re all “under construction” and I don’t think any of us will ever be “done.” I hope to continue writing and sharing for a very long time as I have discovered how therapeutic it is for me and how much it can help others (most importantly).
Thank you for all of your contributions!
Congratulations, Paige. You made the soul shift. Excellent article!
Thanks Lynn!! You’ve been a huge help with much of my growth!
Thanks Paige for this so true article. Everything that we do in our lives and everything that happens to us we have attracted to us. I know this- but knowing and carrying out the changes is a different thing. My thoughts are turning more and more towards realizing what I am doing to cause the unwanted situation. It is difficult to make changes in habits and thoughts one has had for over fifty years. But, I never say never and am working on it.
Your article was a good reminder of how I must keep working on this if I want to take responsibility for myself and be happy.
Thank you,
Virginia thepennyfriends.com
Virginia,
Thank you! I agree with you that by being mindful of our thoughts and actions as much as possible and seeing the results they produce is the first step toward making the changes that can make us happy.
Yes, old habits are hard to break. I keep wondering why most of us don’t learn these lessons until we’re in our fourties, fifties or later.
Baby steps are the only real way to lasting change and just noticing is a first step. Taking that half a second to think before reflexively responding is the next step. Asking yourself: How can I respond differently this time?
Good luck in your movement forward, Virginia! I know you can make all the necessary changes to live a very happy life!
Paige