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<p>When was the last time you attended a personal or professional networking meeting (personal networking meeting = party)? Did you go with someone or did you go alone?</p>
<p>For many people, the thought of showing up alone to a room full of strangers is a very frightening thing. It definitely was for me just a few years ago, and I avoided it at all costs. I&#8217;m a complete introvert. I love my quiet time alone and recharge my batteries that way.</p>
<h2>Getting Out of My Comfort Zone</h2>
<p>But then I needed to find a job in one of the worst job markets (this was the end of 2008). In the past, I just got on the internet and in a relatively short period of time, I could find a great job. No networking required. I could happily stay in my comfort zone to get what I wanted.</p>
<p>But not anymore. Open positions for senior financial executives were drying up right and left as companies downsized and cut upper-level positions. I was being told time and time again that the only way for someone looking for such a position to find one was to get out and start networking. At this point, I decided to do whatever it took to get my next job so I started looking for places to network.</p>
<p>I showed up at my first meeting: a group of about 50 other finance executives, most of them also looking for jobs. I was scared. The thoughts racing through my head: What do I do? How do I talk to someone here? What do I say? Fortunately, everyone else in the room was either in my same shoes or knew exactly how I felt and was very welcoming. I introduced myself, made some conversation and traded business cards with a few people there. I still had sweaty palms when I left a couple hours later but I had made a start.</p>
<h2>At First, It Doesn&#8217;t Get Easier</h2>
<p>I repeated the same thing at another meeting a few days later. This time the group was much larger (about 200 people) and most of the people had jobs or their own businesses. They all seemed to have formed their own cliques which made it harder to introduce myself.</p>
<p>Where to start? At the bar, of course. Almost everyone has to go there at some point, and they come alone. This gave me the chance to at least stick out my hand and introduce myself without interrupting a conversation. I talked to a few people this way and then created a game.</p>
<p>I told myself, “I’m going to walk up to the most interesting person in the room – someone who looks like the opposite of the kind of person I think I’m supposed to meet.” Within seconds, a man turned around to put his plate on a tray and we almost bumped into each other. He looked like the furthest thing from the type of person who could help me professionally. We introduced ourselves and chatted for a few minutes. He ended up being one of the most connected and helpful people in my professional network. Lesson: Don’t judge people by their looks.</p>
<h2>Making It Personal</h2>
<p>I also took some advice and called some of the more interesting or connected people I had met at these meetings and asked them to meet for coffee. The more I did this, the more I realized that very few other people did this.</p>
<p>Over the course of the next year, I realized that many people think it’s hard to grow a network, but it’s because they’re waiting for a network to come to them. And that just doesn’t happen unless you’ve already made a name for yourself. I had no name but had about a 90% success rate setting up meetings with the people I called.</p>
<h2>How I Made It Easier &#8211; And Fun!</h2>
<p>While it took much longer than I expected to find my next job, I began to enjoy the networking process. I had many days where I would sit in a Panera Bread from 9am to 5pm having coffee or lunch meetings, one after the other. The reason I enjoyed it and ended up creating a reputation as a great networker was that I loved hearing people&#8217;s stories.</p>
<p>I couldn’t stand the thought of the textbook networking meeting: Meet with someone who might know someone who can help you. Tell them a little about your corporate self. Politely listen while they tell you about themselves. Then ask them for names of three people who they know who might be able to help you. Not only is that boring, it doesn’t work. Why would a complete stranger open up their valuable contacts to you? What have you done for them to elicit any kind of trust? What have you done to grow your “know, like &; trust” factor?</p>
<p>My one-on-one meetings usually went like this: Spend the first 10-15 minutes telling each other what we do, have done or are looking for professionally. This is usually the dry stuff that breaks the ice.</p>
<p>Then I would ask them: “If money weren’t an object and you could anything you wanted, what would you do?” or &#8220;What do you want to be when you grow up?&#8221; That’s when it got fun. I had corporate directors of change management telling me how they would love to be organic farmers and buffalo ranchers, technical folks who wanted to camp full time with their families and others who wanted to start all kinds of wild and wonderful businesses.</p>
<p>And then I would challenge them to consider how they could start living those dreams today. I had so much fun seeing people light up. After being so beaten down by the job market, you could see the life coming back in their eyes. At the end of the meeting, I would always wrap up by asking what I could do to support them. I never asked for their contacts. If someone had some contacts, they would openly give them to me without my asking, and I was extremely grateful when they did.</p>
<h2>Getting Back to Work</h2>
<p>When I did find my next job, I experienced an unexpected let down because I had to greatly curtail my networking meetings. For a while, I kept at least three lunch meetings a week and one or two evening or breakfast meetings a month. But, over time, that got to be too much and took me away from my family much more than I wanted.</p>
<p>I look back at my networking evolution. From sweaty, shaking and nervous to calm and truly looking forward to meeting new people. I still consider myself an introvert, but I love helping people. I love seeing them light up when they talk about their passions. And I love showing them that it <em>is</em> possible to live a little or a lot of their passion now.</p>
<p>That’s why I created this blog. To show you that dreams can become your reality. And it’s a lot simpler than you think.</p>
<h2>Simple Steps</h2>
<p>My challenge for you is to go to two or three meetings where you don’t know anyone. These can be with professional or social organizations or a group with a similar interest. Go to <a href="http://www.meetup.com/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">www.meetup.com</a>, put in your location and interest and it will show you groups meeting in your local area with your interest as their reason for meeting. Go with nervous, sweaty palms but just go. And say to yourself, “I’m meeting at least one very interesting person at this meeting.” By just setting that intention, you will have a good time.</p>
<p>Then come back here and tell me about your experiences. Was it fun, exciting, nerve-wracking, or what? Tell me your stories. I would love to hear them.</p>
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How to Win the Networking Game (Even If You’re An Introvert)
