You’ve tried every productivity tactic out there (there are tons). You’re sure that this one is going to be the one that will allow you to stop procrastinating and actually get you on the path of amazing productivity.
You’re fired up and practice the tactic for a day or two and see great results. And then day three rolls around…
How often do your days get derailed like this?
- You decide that there’s one thing you want to accomplish for the day. (You’ve read how it’s impossible to do more than two or three “to do’s” in a day so you pick one “most important” one.)
- You show up at work (wherever that is for you) and check emails to make sure there’s nothing big you might be missing.
- Two hours later you’re diverted to three other projects that hadn’t even occurred to you when you started your day (these and everything in your inbox are usually someone else’s priorities).
- You grab a quick bite to eat while you check emails again.
- People come into your office, you’re in endless meetings or conference calls or your kids are in constant need of something for the next five hours.
- It’s the end of your day and you realize that you haven’t even looked at your one “most important” thing.
- You stay late to at least start that “most important” thing or you pledge to get to it first thing tomorrow.
- Tomorrow goes the same way.
Why does this happen?
Because you didn’t put yourself first.
When you don’t put yourself and your “most important” thing first, you end up last. This is a tough lesson that I’m constantly being reminded of in my average days.
You can try all the productivity hacks in the world and they won’t stick until you put yourself first.
Why don’t we put ourselves first? The list is endless.
- It’s selfish.
- I don’t deserve it.
- I have to keep others happy (don’t want to lose my job or make people angry with me).
- My “most important” thing isn’t as important as other people’s important things.
- I have to finish all the little things before I can start the big projects.
- I have to finish all “the work” (not fun stuff) before I can start “my work” (the fun stuff).
Each day we lie to ourselves saying that tomorrow will be different. It rarely is.
Days roll into weeks roll into months roll into years which make your life.
Every time you choose to put yourself last you’re choosing to put your life, your goals and your dreams last.
This is why none of the productivity tips and tricks work for you. This is why people get to the end of their lives and wonder why they never “had the time” to pursue their dreams.
They never made the time. They never chose themselves first.
When you make daily choices to put others first and those choices aren’t filling your heart with joy, you’re quietly filling your heart with regrets and resentment.
Putting others first can be part of your pursuit of your own goals and dreams. For example, it fills my heart with joy to do things for my family that I know they love. But I also have to take time for myself to recharge so that I have the energy and good feelings for my family.
At work, I love to coach and mentor others to be their best. But I won’t have the energy and focus to do this if I’m constantly buried in other people’s priorities where I remained stressed and distracted because I’m not working on my own priorities.
Put Yourself First
Don’t check email. Don’t return calls. Don’t go to meetings (if you can help it). Don’t hang out and chit-chat. Don’t watch TV or spend time on social media.
By putting these things first, you’re putting the wishes of other people first or you’re prioritizing what you think others will think of you (which matters so little).
You’re good enough to be first. You’re so worth it.
Start on your most important thing first, no matter what. Commit to working on it for just ten minutes. You can stop after ten minutes, but you probably won’t since you’ll have some momentum going. Yes, this is one of the many productivity tactics but it works, if you can honor yourself on a daily basis.
As you do this, take a deep breath and notice how you feel. Is your attention distracted as you think that you should be doing something else? Do you feel like you’re cheating someone else by not putting their priorities first? Do you start to question how important your most important thing is?
If other people’s priorities are eating at you and diverting your attention from your most important thing, play the worst-case-scenario game and ask yourself, “What’s the worst that can happen if I don’t do these other things right now?” The answer is probably “Nothing.”
If you can’t value yourself and your priorities over those of other people, your time will always be at their mercy. You’ll wonder why you can’t ever complete the things that are important to you.
The sign I put on my office door.
At my office, I found that closing my door wasn’t enough of a deterrent to keep others from knocking or boldly walking into my office. So I made a simple sign that says, “Do not disturb me. I’m…” then I have smaller pieces of paper that say “on the phone,” “in a meeting” and “focusing.” The first time I put up the “focusing” sign, I heard plenty of laughs outside of my office but no one ever knocked. Mission accomplished.
After using these signs for a few weeks, I now have people offer to close my door when it’s open and they see the sign.
>>>> Click here to get your free copy of “7 Keys to Getting Things Done with Purpose”!
You Train People How To Treat You
If other people know that you’ll jump on their projects as soon as they arrive at your desk or in your email, they’ll continue to do that with some high expectations.
If people learn that you’ll put their project somewhere in your list of priorities (and you let them know where that is), they’ll learn not to expect immediate results.
If you say no on occasion because you’re already booked solid, people will understand and figure out other ways to solve their own problems.
When life gets crazy and the demands on you and your time are too much, the best thing you can do is stop. Take three deep breaths to refocus yourself. Clear your mind and listen to your heart.
You can’t do many things at once despite what we’ve been told about the “benefits” of multi-tasking.
Pick the one most important thing and do that thing and that thing only. Hang up your “I’m focusing” sign, close your door and turn off your phone.
Tell your monkey mind who is reminding you of other people’s priorities to take a flying leap.
Slow down and do your most important thing to the best of your abilities. Do your best because that’s the best you can do. Do not seek perfection. You know it’s impossible. Just do your best without judging yourself.
When that thing is done, take a break. Take a walk. Do something fun. Clear your mind.
Then start the next most important thing and do it as well as you can.
Rinse and repeat.
You’re Worth It
Slow down.
Listen to your heart.
Put you first.
Focus on one thing at a time – your most important thing.
Do your best (which will change day to day).
Stay in the present moment – doing your best as you work on your most important thing.
Stay out of the past – regretting past choices, feeling guilty about not putting others first.
Stay out of the future – stressing about everything else on your list and how it will ever get done (it probably won’t so deal with it).
Breathe deeply.
If you don’t put yourself first, no one else will.
Do it as if your life depended on it because it does.
>>>> Click here to get your free copy of “7 Keys to Getting Things Done with Purpose”!
For more on how you can put yourself first, see my other articles on being enough and saying no.
Create the life you want: Combine the law of attraction with mindfulness
The law of attraction suggests that our positive or negative thoughts bring about positive or negative experiences. My latest book, The Mindful Guide to Law of Attraction, pairs that belief with the powerful practices of mindfulness. Through intentional breathing, writing, and engaging, you’ll hone a method for manifesting health, wealth, and love―the elements of happiness.
Let the law of attraction work for you by adopting its basic steps of identifying and visualizing the things you desire. Then use 45 practical meditation techniques included in the book to achieve awareness. By concentrating your positive energy on obtaining your wants, you’ll give yourself permission to receive them.
To your happiness! ~Paige
You can find this book at Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Books-A-Million, and Indigo.
The Mindful Living Guide
Great reminders Paige…if I don’t at least begin my day with the end in mind, I’m off on my faffing train for the rest of the day, being distracted by first one thing and then another.
I noticed that when I quiet my mind by telling it to ‘be here, now’ it makes it easier to stay on the track of what I want to accomplish.
xoxo
Elle
Exactly Elle! I’ve taken all too many rides on that faffing train to nowhere. “Be here now” also helps me to see how much I’m catering to other people’s wants and desires while forgetting my own. And I love to use it as a mantra when I’m lying on a massage table. It’s helps me to thoroughly enjoy the moment.
Hugs!!
What a great blog! Thanks! Love it
Thanks Gabe! Send me an email if there are any topics you would like me to write more about!
Thanks for the wonderful article. Yes we need to slow down and take care of ourselves.
Thanks Gabrielle! Taking care of ourselves and putting our own interests first is not selfish. It’s necessary in order to better care for others in the ways we want. Slowing down to notice how we’re prioritizing ourselves is a big step toward inviting more happiness into our lives.
I love the idea that we train other people how to treat us. That is something it took me a long time to learn. Now I’m trying to teach that to my kids.
I’m working to do the same with my kids Galen. Having little ones who absorb every word has certainly made me more mindful of what I say and how I handle life. I’ve had so many experiences where they mirror something my husband or I did or said that stops us in our tracks. At first we say, “Where did that come from?” knowing that it couldn’t have come from anyone but us.
We’re constantly training everyone around us. When we respect ourselves and our time, others will do the same. When we act like a doormat, people will treat us that way. There’s no one to blame but ourselves.
How could I forget to mention that we teach others?? I thought I was the queen of NOT doing that one right but maybe there is a family of us..? My mind is popping with insights and I’m noticing that I have a vision of being firm…if not almost rude. So I’m going to, instead, set boundaries with kindness and lead by example rather than making others responsible for my behavior. Again, thank you Paige. I love your articles. Blessings –
I think the misperception of “firm = rude” is key. Setting healthy boundaries and being firm with them is NOT rude. It’s respectful.
So much of what I write is to share what I’ve learned from my own experiences and to show others that they’re certainly not alone.
Thank you, Paige! I loved this post – its simplicity and clarity. It truly nourished me and is a perfect Monday (today, as i read it) reminder to put myself first and “allow” myself to focus. Your mentioned scenario fits me so well! Before I know it, it’s noon (if I’m working from home) and I begin to feel almost panic like as I look at what is still undone, including working out and getting dressed, and feel a sense of personal failure. I can’t thank you enough for this timely article and your gift of a renewed way to move into my workday and to quit blaming myself at the end of it. I am grateful.
Thank you so much Lorrie! I definitely know how you feel – beating myself up at the end of the day for all that didn’t get done (ignoring all that DID get done, even though it wasn’t on my to-do list).
I kept wondering why all these simple productivity hacks seemed so hard for me to implement. Slowing down and using mindfulness, I was able to identify the core issue. Now it’s a matter of shutting up the monkey mind and making my priorities my priorities.
Yes, Paige – getting to the core. For me, and for most of my life, I have put myself last – if at all. And then wondered why my life wasn’t fulfilling to me. Your article is an invitation to me to take the courageous move of allowing myself to be worthy enough to be ‘first’ – and then, acting on my changed perspective. Thank you again for this gentle and compassionate ‘wake up call’ for me. Best to you, L
One big thing I’ve learned from putting myself first is that others seem to respect me and my time more when I respect myself and my time more. As I said in the article – We teach people how to treat us (with how we treat ourselves).
Hi Paige,
Putting yourself on number one will greatly help others I think. When you do well, you share that with other people so they benefit from it.
It makes me think about the Marianne Williamson text:
” as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give others permission to do the same”
Thanks again for reminding me about this!
I love that quote Arjen! You’ve got it exactly right – when we take care of ourselves first and radiate positive energy, we open the door to others doing the same. In doing this, we begin the chain of people helping each other.
I love this article! “Slow down.” Usually when we are in a hurry, things get mixed up and we have to do it over and over again – time consuming. “Listen to your heart.” Usually we ignore that gut felling that is trying to advise us of something that we later regret. “Put me first.” Nobody else will. So it is important to pamper ourselves.
Thank you Paige.
Thank you Marietta! The three lessons you mentioned are critical to our happiness and productivity but most of us rarely heed them. Then we wonder why our lives are in the state they are. Take good care of yourself!
Thanks Paige! Great article.
Dan
Thanks so much Dan! Hope it helps!