The last of human freedoms – the ability to chose one’s attitude in a given set of circumstances. – Viktor E. Frankl
I lost my job earlier this week. No notice or severance. I can’t say that I didn’t sense that it might happen, but I wanted to remain positive. I knew the company had been experiencing cash flow problems but I was hoping for the magic rabbit coming out of the hat that didn’t come.
It felt like someone punched me in the gut. The day I got the news, I was in a dark fog. I couldn’t think straight. My body felt the weight of the news.
This happened to me once before about four years ago. While it’s devastating, I know it’s not the end of the world. I’ve been through all the “what if’s” and I know the worst that could happen. Because I’ve been there before, it only took me that first day and night to get past the worst of it emotionally.
Learning Our Lessons
Instead of ruminating on the situation, I began asking myself and the Universe what I haven’t learned yet. Why have I received the same message twice?
The Universe delivers messages to us all the time. It’s up to us to listen to them, figure out what they mean for us and act on them. When we don’t listen and act, the Universe is a little more adamant about its delivery the next time. Like going from a gentle nudge to being hit upside the head with a baseball bat.
This was clearly the baseball bat right between my eyes. Ouch!
The next morning, I decided that any kind of negativity wouldn’t serve me. Dwelling on the situation will only waste time and time is something I don’t have.
I began to think about the times in my life when I had financial abundance, when things like this didn’t happen. Where and how was I living? What was I thinking and feeling and doing on a daily basis? How is all that different than how my life is now? It’s time to get my thoughts, feelings, emotions, and mindset back to where they were in the more financially abundant times.
I realized that, over the past few years, I had only viewed jobs as a way to pay the bills – something I had to do and not something I wanted to do. While I need a job to pay the bills, if I pursue one out of this fear, I’ll chase it away. Fear and money had been intertwined in a vulgar dance for me. I resented having to work because jobs took me away from my family and other things I wanted to do but fear kept me working. My resistance to having a job was creating my hardship.
Now was the time to change all that. My attitude was only going to sabotage me again if I didn’t do something about it. I’m quite sick of repeating this negative pattern. I’m doing whatever it takes to change it for the rest of my life.
Know Why You Want To Change
In order to make these lasting changes, I have to be different. I have to have different thoughts and emotions. I have to take different actions and have different daily habits. I have to become the kind of person that accomplishes what I want to accomplish.
I needed some big ‘why’s’ to keep me energized and positive and to change my old mindset. My biggest ‘why’s’ are my family and creating the means to make our dreams a reality. Other ‘why’s’ include my being able to help people and companies achieve their goals and dreams by offering my expertise. I sat down and wrote a list of all my ‘why’s’ so I can look at them often.
After visualizing and deeply feeling the energy of my ‘why’s’ I was ready to hit the ground running.
I feel more positive, energized and focused than I have in years. I’m excited about the people and opportunities that are waiting for me. I’m excited about expressing my True Self in different areas and in different ways.
I’m grateful for the opportunity to change my life again.
Taking Responsibility and Implementing Mindfulness
This story could have played out much differently.
I could have wallowed in my pain for a good, long time. I could have played the victim, asking the Universe, “Why me?” I could have dwelled on thoughts like, “Why does this always happen to me?” I could have been mad at my boss and the world.
But none of this would have helped. None of this would move me in the direction of where I want to be and I knew it.
I woke up the morning after receiving the news and decided to feel great and take action.
Throughout my days, I stop and take a moment to notice my thoughts and emotional state. If they’ve slipped back to where I don’t want them anymore, I simply erase them and paint the picture in my mind that I want to focus on. I think of myself when I was living in the state where I want to be and I put myself there now.
I notice what I’m doing and ask myself if the person who lives the life that I want would do those things. If not, I change what I’m doing.
I’m using my mindfulness practice of noticing my thoughts, feelings and actions in the moment, without judging them, and changing them to what I want, in the moment. I don’t beat myself up for thinking unwanted thoughts or falling back into old habits. I simply change what I’m doing and move forward.
The more I check in with myself and non-judgmentally make any necessary shifts, the more habitual my desired state will be. And the faster I’ll attract my ideal job.
How have you handled bad news or made conscious changes in your life? We can all learn from your experiences.
Create the life you want: Combine the law of attraction with mindfulness
The law of attraction suggests that our positive or negative thoughts bring about positive or negative experiences. My latest book, The Mindful Guide to Law of Attraction, pairs that belief with the powerful practices of mindfulness. Through intentional breathing, writing, and engaging, you’ll hone a method for manifesting health, wealth, and love―the elements of happiness.
Let the law of attraction work for you by adopting its basic steps of identifying and visualizing the things you desire. Then use 45 practical meditation techniques included in the book to achieve awareness. By concentrating your positive energy on obtaining your wants, you’ll give yourself permission to receive them.
To your happiness! ~Paige
You can find this book at Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Books-A-Million, and Indigo.
I lost my job now i am trying for the same job what affirmation i have to give please reply in emailo
Mukesh: You might want to try this affirmation: May I find a position that brings me joy and helps me express my gifts.
Paige, you have no idea how sharing your struggles and victories help so many including me! I’m so glad you are willing to be real with us. I’ve been very encouraged here and very inspired .
Thanks so much Lee Ann! I think the more real we all are, the more that others realize that we’re all human and imperfect and that’s awesome. I’m so happy that my writing has helped you! That’s why I’m here.
We are each blessed in different ways, each having skills that can complement anothers given the right circumstances and leadership. Not all of us are in those situations which leads us to choose different paths and “careers” in search of such fulfillment. The one thing I have learned is that no matter how good or bad the job may be, if we are not content with who we are as individuals, then the paycheck, the working conditions, the perquisites, none of it will matter.
You hit the nail on the head Mercadeo – if we aren’t content with who we are we can’t be happy with anyone or anything.
Great teams are made up of the right mix of people who complement each other, as you have pointed out. I believe that we are all put on this earth to use our given gifts to help others and the planet. It’s our job to figure out what our gifts are and share them with the world.
Thanks for your comment!
Wow Paige, my first thought was Oh No, I’m so sorry! But then I realized what an amazing opportunity has just opened up for you. It sucks that it sometimes takes getting hit over the head with a baseball bat before we can actually ‘see’ the opportunity, but in your true intrepid fashion you have wasted no time in making lemons out of lemonade (it’s a cliche but I love it.) I’m saving this post to share with friends and loved ones when they lose jobs they hate and then moan, groan and wallow in misery. Life is too short! The truth, as you’ve so wisely realized, is that everything happens for a reason and when one door closes others open wide! I can’t wait to see where this opportunity takes you!
Thank you Sarah! You’re awesome! Today, while my monkey mind has been dragging me down, my inner voice has been whispering, “Something totally, amazingly awesome is about to happen today! Are you ready?” I’m turning around to see the door opening wide for me!
Big Hugs!!
Got sacked? So did I. But I wouldn’t say I’m out of work, only my income is less secure than usual. That’s a problem with a solution, and maybe it’s not even a new employment? Well, let’s not be romantic, it’s all hard work whatever happends, so if we might as well work hard at what we want to become good at. Now is the chance.
Now, don’t be too brave. I’m not. If you’re anything like the rest of us, there will moments of..gloom. They’ll pass. Do write, even directly if you want, and I’ll promise to do something real silly to cheer you up. Or I’ll just hear you through with very few manly suggestions. If one has to feel bad once in a while, one must really sieze the moment and revel in it. I’ll help, I have much experience. Don’t worry, I would do it for anyone.
Why not? Let’s have a grand piano at the beach. Life is no celebration, but won’t stop us from dancing.
Kindly
Erik
Thanks for all the support Erik! I’m truly pretty cheery about the whole thing. My husband is the one living in the gloom so one of my other big reasons to find something awesome is to help him. I realize it’s his choice to feel the way he does but, if I can help, I will.
I’m enjoying reconnecting with all the great people I met when I was heavily networking in search of a job a few years ago. It’s fun to find out what everyone has been up to and you never know where your next opportunity will come from. I’m also having fun answering questions to help people on LinkedIn. I’m surprising myself with how much more I’ve learned about running a business over the past couple of years from having this blog. The knowledge applies to businesses of all sizes.
Personally, I think life is a celebration and I dance every day with my kids. Why not let it all be fun?
Thanks again Erik!
Well, you do a lot for others in many contexts, so I thought someone should be there for you. You’ll be fine, and I’ll be there. Remember, I have certain rights at my ripe old age.
Thank you so much Erik! I truly appreciate it! You’re AWESOME!!
Paige,
First of all, I am so sorry you lost your job. But what I guess I really should say is, “Congratulations!” Your mindfulness practice is so positive and can be used in so many ways. It’s the kind of advice I’ll used for my kids when they have some bad news. Yes, I think your advice will help a lot of people!
I know you’ll find the right job. Enjoy your time with your children while you’re off. And keep us all updated!
xoxo Betsy
Thanks so much Betsy! Yes, the sudden changes that can sweep us off our feet momentarily are the things that bring in something awesome. So, yes, “congratulations” are in order! Some great, new opportunities are already brewing!
Big Hugs!!
Can’t wait to hear!!
This is a really encouraging post, Paige! I know the next great thing is around the bend for you. Well, actually, the great thing is already within you, but the next great income-producer is around the bend!
I’ve had the experience more than once of losing a job and having it be a blessing later on.
Thanks so much for your words of wisdom!
Thanks so much for the encouragement Bobbi! Yes, everything happens for a reason and I’m so excited to find out the great reason for this one!
Hugs!!
Paige….After you wrote me, I knew that you were going to do some quick work on turning this situation into a positive experience. Like Hiten, I chose not to tell you that I was sorry. First, it means nothing. And second, with your commitment to growing, there would never be a reason to feel sorry for you.
One of my dearest friends lost her job (the agency she was working for went bust), is getting evicted from her apartment, has no health insurance….and was hit with a $5,000. must take care of dental bill.
I am in awe of how she is proceeding to craft the life she wants to live. She is taking into consideration her monetary needs (which are minimal). BUT she is also implementing a tremendous amount of creativity and faith in herself to go after experiences that she has been wanting to do for a long time. She is calm, determined, has a Plan A,B,and C, with several components. And she knows that life can change everything in one moment. Talk about believing in ‘the earth will provide’. You are no different.
Thanks for sharing a ‘Paige’ post….personal, inspiring, and touching. With love, Fran
Fran,
You’re exactly right. There’s nothing to be sorry about. We all have the ability to do what your friend is doing and have a great outlook. Everything happens for a reason which may or may not be readily apparent. This is just another phase in my life and will change into something amazing, new and different. I’m excited about the possibilities and can’t wait to see what the Universe has in store for me next!
Big, Huge Hugs!!!
Thanks for the post Paige. I actually did the opposite. I have owned a personal training business since 2006 and i have struggled and changed and grown as a business owner and as a spiritual person. I tried to sell to everyone and at the same time sell to no one. I wanted you to be ready to change your life, I didn’t want to have to sell to you.
I recently went back into the workforce and I started out the same way i did in my business. I applied for everything and got nothing except a “why me” attitude although i would quickly ground myself. It was a long hard year of rejection and humility.
I then narrowed down my search and only applied for positions I would really enjoy and get paid in the process. I am now successfully employed full time as a social services worker for a county. I had come to the realization that even though i was searching for a full time position that I could still find something that served others as well as me.
It was a humbling experience and it has also allowed me to really start focusing on how the direction I would like my business to go and it is getting there but i don’t have to say yes to everything and anything because I need the money to survive. My mission is to educate, encourage and inspire women to discover and embrace their power within.
Wanda,
While it sucks to learn lessons the hard way, that’s usually how the lessons stick. It’s hard to have a narrow focus when we feel like we might miss out on something but the opposite is true. The more true we are to ourselves and our top values, the more the Universe will serve us. I love that you found a job that allows you to serve others! Your mission is beautiful and I know you have the power to accomplish it!
Big Hugs!
Hi,
When I lost my job I really got into art journaling.It has helped me so much.
I write what I feel than paint over it than find pictures that tell the story and I add lots of famous quotes.
I am back at work but I still keep up the journal.
Annie
Art journaling can be so powerful! Any way that we can express ourselves in our own unique ways is very therapeutic and can help us get through tough times and help us to stay happy in our happy times. Thanks for bringing up this great idea Annie!
Great post! When I was laid off in 2009 I took the first thing that was offered. Miserable after 12 weeks, I quit! I trusted that it would work out (and was willing in my 30’s to spend down my retirement while searching for the right gig). After three weeks of part-time work and consulting I got a call from a recruiter for a job I wasn’t that interested in. I went in anyway and it is a FANTASTIC job. More than two years later, I have learned a lot, made amazing friends and am ALMOST back to my 2009 income. I’ve learned to tighten my belt and more importantly gained confidence in myself as a survivor. When I jumped, the net appeared!!!
Jumping at an opportunity out of desperation or fear usually doesn’t serve us, as you’ve found. It’s hard to wait but that perfect thing is waiting for us if we let go and let it happen. Making the scary jump toward things we love will always serve us.
Great for you for seeing how you’ve learned some positive lessons from a not-so-positive situation! Stepping out of our comfort zones will always give us more confidence to explore life further – and that’s the really fun part!
I think too many people place too much importance on their job and everything that surrounds it. Yes without an income life will soon become very difficult but I a firm believer that time = happiness and not money/status.
My solution was to quit my job a few months ago as I realised the normal working life just wasn’t for me. Everyone thought I was mad and that I had made a big mistake but I was simply following my gut instinct. The key is to find a job/income that is inline with your core values and your passions in life.
I became a guitar instructor and while I am not earning a lot right now, it is slowly picking up and my ultimate goal is to help people to detach themselves from the roles society forces upon them.
Paige, losing your job was an initial shock but I believe your next venture will be more inline with who you are and you will in turn have more control over what happens. You seem to be someone who is very aware, so follow your instinct too and you can’t go wrong!
Thank you so much Jamie! Bravo to you for making the shift to what your gut was telling you! You can never go wrong when you follow your heart/gut/instinct/intuition. I completely agree that money, jobs and status can’t buy happiness. In many cases they buy unhappiness. To me, the most important things are relationships and experiences. Life is a series of experiences so we might as well create the best ones for us that we can. Overall, being happy is a choice we make in every moment of every day. I’ve seen people in the worst of conditions or situations who are genuinely happy, no matter what. It’s all in how we choose to see things.
I love your goal of showing people how to break free of society’s expectations! I like to play the little kid that asks “Why?” about everything. The deeper you go in asking that question, the more you realize that most things in life are stories or rules that someone made up a long time ago and people blindly follow them. When we question things, we open doors to different or better ways. One of my big mottoes is to always question assumptions. If you ask “why” enough times and can’t get a better answer than “because I said so” you know you’ve hit an area ripe for change.
Many blessings to you in your endeavors!!
Hi Paige,
Before I go onto the some specifics about your post, I just wanted to say why I enjoy your posts so much. You write about real life experiences from your daily life and share your thought processes and all you experienced (the ups and downs). It’s a real delight to see how you get yourself unstuck from the problem you had. This is brilliant.
Onto your post…
I was about to say sorry about hearing you losing your job. However, I won’t if that’s ok. The reason why is that you’ve already overcome the challenge and you know exactly what you want to do. On the note about mindfulness practice, it really is powerful isn’t it? I’ve been practicing for a few years now and the real benefits are beginning to be realised now. The ability to as you say notice thoughts and emotions without judgement and changing them to what we want all in the moment, is priceless.
Thank you so much Hiten! I actually hesitated about writing about this while my ego strained to hide my “not perfect” side. My True Self won as I know how common yet devastating it is when people lose their jobs. I hope to be able to help others through the process more productively by sharing my own experiences. Writing about it also helped me. My mission is to be as transparent as possible about my own life in order to help others.
The more I practice mindfulness throughout my days, the more habitual and powerful it becomes. Combining that with taking full responsibility for my life creates a sense of freedom that I’ve never experienced before. Bad times come along just like good ones. I do my best to learn from both and know that nothing lasts forever. I remain grateful for the millions of awesome and magical people and things in my life, no matter what.
I love your latest post! I used to get pretty worked up about interviews until I started heavily networking and got more comfortable talking to people (I’m a major introvert). Now I love meeting new people and see interviews as a way to do that. I used to worry about giving interviewers the answers they wanted until I realized that I was simply repeating what I was taught in school. If I did that, the interviewer wouldn’t know the real me (yes, it can be scary to reveal our True Selves). I would rather know that, if I were hired, they knew my way of thinking upfront. I once interviewed with all the top (male) executives at a technology company. It was clear by the end of the interview that they thought that systems and controls are what made everything happen, with little to no human factor. My beliefs are the opposite and I openly expressed that throughout the interview. I think everything boils down to people. If I had pretended that I agreed with them and gotten the job because of it, I would have been a very unhappy camper working there.
Big life lesson: Don’t try to portray yourself as someone you’re not so that others might accept you. If they can’t accept you for who you are they’re not someone you need in your life.
Big Hugs Hiten!!
Hi Paige,
I’m so glad you wrote the post in the end! As you say your True Self won, and silenced the ego! Great stuff!
I’m really happy you liked my post, and thanks for saying so. I loved reading about your experiences with the interview you had at the technology company. It’s amazing how you expressed your true beliefs during it.
Big Hugs back at ya, Paige! 🙂 Cheers.
Thanks Hiten! Best wishes with your new program!!
I grew up in a home that stressed ‘hope for the best but plan for the worst’ which is what my parents and grandparents who went thru the great depression and WW2 knew all to well.
So we strive to live below our means and a lifestyle that is less is more mode. I buy based on real need and not wants, and am blessed with great friends and families who share the same ‘Mennonite’ style values, which sure makes life easier in this materialistic world.
As I shared with a friend a walk in closet with lots of clothes and shoes, wont fill your stomach with healthy food if you lose your job.
I completely agree with you Beth! I started simplifying long ago and buy only on need and after I’ve taken time to consider each purchase. Less stuff definitely makes life easier. I have actively sold and donated lots of clothes and things that I accumulated in my earlier years. It feels great to lighten my load and have less stuff to manage, store and worry about.
Bravo to you for having the mindset that you do about simple living!