How to Find Your Happiness In the Most Unlikely Place

Society programs us from birth that whatever we have or achieve and whoever we are is never enough.  We’re subconsciously sent on a never-ending quest to accumulate more and better things, find better relationships, make ourselves different and “better,” achieve more goals, more, better, more, better…

Every time you achieve your next goal, you’re happy for a bit then the happiness bubble pops, and you’re on the path to another goal that you’re sure will make you happy.  But the happiness never lasts.  What’s wrong?  You may ask: “What’s wrong with me?  I’m doing everything I’m supposed to do but I never get “there.”  I feel like I need to keep moving, searching, striving, achieving.  It’s killing me!  When will it end?!?!”

I know exactly how you feel.  I’ve spent most of my life doing this.  Nothing was ever good enough (for who, I never quite knew).

I got good grades, degree, and jobs that were never enough.  I got certifications that I judged to be “what’s required” instead of achievements.  When I was in relationships or friendships, I was either consciously or subconsciously looking for someone better.

This treadmill guarantees that you’ll never be happy.  As long as you look for happiness outside of yourself, nothing will feel like the kind of lasting joy that you’re looking for.

When you compare yourself to others with the goals you achieve, how you appear on social media, the friends you surround yourself with or the jobs that you have, you’ll always come up “not good enough” and certainly (in your mind) not as happy as all those other people who have what you want.

“I think everybody should get rich and famous and do everything they ever dreamed of so they can see that it’s not the answer.”  ~Jim Carrey

Choosing Happiness

I’ve said before that happiness is a choice, not a destination.  Anyone can choose to be happy regardless of their circumstances.

I think gratitude has everything to do with the choice to be happy.  When you can pause and mindfully notice all the amazing things in your life right here, right now, you can’t help but feel happy (or “happyful” as the leader at Right Here, Right Now notes).  Not that giddy “happiness bubble” kind of happy (although that’s definitely possible), but a happy, peaceful contentment that says, “Life is good.”

What you focus on grows.  When you focus on what you’re grateful for, you’ll find more things to be grateful for.  At first, this might seem difficult.  It’s a practice that grows and slowly reveals its magic the more you practice it, like meditation or yoga.  Do it for a bit and it will feel nice.  Do it every day and, over time, it will transform you in ways you couldn’t have imagined.

When I started my gratitude practice many years ago, I was challenged to write three things I was grateful for each day.  I was so used to seeing the negative and feeling depressed that coming up with three different things to be grateful for every day was one of the hardest things I had done.

Over time it became easier.  Within a year, I was going through gratitude notebooks, filling up a couple pages each day.  Some days it was hard to stop.

I started noticing that I was feeling a bit happier.  My negative thought patterns were changing.  I wasn’t blaming others for what was wrong in my life as much.  I started noticing the great things about others that I hadn’t previously seen through my veil of negativity.  And my depression was lifting.

I started to realize that I had a choice in how I saw the world.  I noticed that the stories I had made up about myself, others and my world weren’t helping me, so I started to change them.  If I could see people differently, then my presumptions about them could also change.

A whole new world that I couldn’t have imagined opened up to me.  All from this simple daily practice practiced over time.

In this transformation, I noticed that “enough” didn’t matter as much.  Instead of constantly striving to be more, better, enough, comparing myself to others and judging myself harshly, I was looking at others to see what was great about them that I could be grateful for.  This helped to squelch the comparison monster.

Instead of feeling bad about myself and the stories I made up in my comparisons, I felt good.  And the better I felt, the more I looked for the good in others and anything to be grateful for.  Which continues to make me feel good every day.

The better I feel, the more effectively I can support others and be a better person, a better example.  There are entirely too many negative role models in our day-to-day lives.  I like to be the example that says it’s possible to be in a good mood, to have more good days than bad – to be happy.

Simple Steps

Find the awesomeness in every day with a daily gratitude practice.

1. Notice your recurring thoughts.

To help you see your progress, start by journaling about your daily recurring thoughts.

• What do you tell yourself about you?
• How do you judge yourself?
• How do you compare yourself to others?
• Who are you comparing yourself to?
• How does all this make you feel?

2. Start a gratitude journal.

The next step is to begin your gratitude journal.  You can do this electronically, but it tends to have a better effect if you put pen to paper.  I’ve used both over time and find that physically writing it on paper helps to reinforce the underlying emotions more effectively.

Every day, preferably at the same time each day to create a habit, write three, five or ten things you’re grateful for.  The challenge is to not repeat what you write each day.

Go deep with what you write.  For example, don’t just write, “I’m grateful for my partner.”  Each day you could instead dedicate your list to a certain aspect of your partner like their physical appearance, how their little actions help you feel better, how they’ve helped you to be a better person, how they express their unique selves in the world.

Along with each item on your gratitude list, write why you’re grateful for it and how that makes you feel.  This is probably the most powerful part of the practice.

Things in life have meaning from the meaning you give them.  Meaning creates emotions.  Feelings and emotions determine how you feel and how you act.

Once this practice becomes a habit, you’ll find yourself looking for things to be grateful for throughout your day.  You’ll subconsciously note things that you can add to your next list.

You’ll be looking for and focusing on the good around you.  Because what you focus on grows, the good in your life will grow.  Things that you used to take for granted will shine in a new light as you see how lucky you are to have all that greatness in your life.

3. Reflect on the changes your gratitude practice has created.

After maintaining this practice for a month or two, go back and read what you wrote when you started.  I find it helpful to write the date above my daily list so I can get a sense of when I was writing what I wrote.

Take some time to reflect on the subtle changes that have occurred in how you see yourself and your world.  Journal about that.

Your gratitude practice helps you to see that what makes you happy isn’t “out there.”  It isn’t a goal to achieve.  It isn’t a “better you” to become.

Happiness is how you choose to see yourself and your world.  It’s not a light switch that you can suddenly turn on.  It’s a process of learning that your choices, what you focus on and the stories you tell yourself can be changed to bring you that lasting happiness that everyone wants.

What are you grateful for today?

 

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Create the life you want: Combine the law of attraction with mindfulness

The law of attraction suggests that our positive or negative thoughts bring about positive or negative experiences.  My latest book, The Mindful Guide to Law of Attraction, pairs that belief with the powerful practices of mindfulness. Through intentional breathing, writing, and engaging, you’ll hone a method for manifesting health, wealth, and love―the elements of happiness.

Let the law of attraction work for you by adopting its basic steps of identifying and visualizing the things you desire. Then use 45 practical meditation techniques included in the book to achieve awareness. By concentrating your positive energy on obtaining your wants, you’ll give yourself permission to receive them.

To your happiness!  ~Paige

 

You can find this book at Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Books-A-Million, and Indigo.

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