<!--www.crestaproject.com Social Button in Content Start--><div id="crestashareiconincontent" class="cresta-share-icon fourth_style"><div class="sbutton crestaShadow facebook-cresta-share" id="facebook-cresta-c"><a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.facebook.com/sharer.php?u=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.simplemindfulness.com%2Fhow-to-be-happier-expressing-your-authentic-self%2F&;t=How+To+Be+Happier+by+Expressing+Your+Authentic+Self" title="Share on Facebook" onclick="window.open(this.href,'targetWindow','toolbars=0,location=0,status=0,menubar=0,scrollbars=1,resizable=1,width=640,height=320,left=200,top=200');return false;"><i class="cs c-icon-cresta-facebook"></i></a></div><div class="sbutton crestaShadow twitter-cresta-share classic-icon" id="twitter-cresta-c"><a rel="nofollow" href="https://twitter.com/intent/tweet?text=How+To+Be+Happier+by+Expressing+Your+Authentic+Self&;url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.simplemindfulness.com%2Fhow-to-be-happier-expressing-your-authentic-self%2F&;via=SimpleMindfulns" title="Share on Twitter" onclick="window.open(this.href,'targetWindow','toolbars=0,location=0,status=0,menubar=0,scrollbars=1,resizable=1,width=640,height=320,left=200,top=200');return false;"><i class="cs c-icon-cresta-twitter"></i></a></div><div class="sbutton crestaShadow linkedin-cresta-share" id="linkedin-cresta-c"><a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.linkedin.com/shareArticle?mini=true&;url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.simplemindfulness.com%2Fhow-to-be-happier-expressing-your-authentic-self%2F&;title=How+To+Be+Happier+by+Expressing+Your+Authentic+Self&;source=https://www.simplemindfulness.com/" title="Share to LinkedIn" onclick="window.open(this.href,'targetWindow','toolbars=0,location=0,status=0,menubar=0,scrollbars=1,resizable=1,width=640,height=320,left=200,top=200');return false;"><i class="cs c-icon-cresta-linkedin"></i></a></div><div class="sbutton crestaShadow pinterest-cresta-share" id="pinterest-cresta-c"><a rel="nofollow" href="javascript:void((function()%7Bvar%20e=document.createElement(&apos;script&apos;);e.setAttribute(&apos;type&apos;,&apos;text/javascript&apos;);e.setAttribute(&apos;charset&apos;,&apos;UTF-8&apos;);e.setAttribute(&apos;src&apos;,&apos;https://assets.pinterest.com/js/pinmarklet.js?r=&apos;+Math.random()*99999999);document.body.appendChild(e)%7D)());" title="Share on Pinterest"><i class="cs c-icon-cresta-pinterest"></i></a></div><div style="clear: both;"></div></div><div style="clear: both;"></div><!--www.crestaproject.com Social Button in Content End--><p>We all want to be happy. One of the best ways to be happy is to be yourself as often as possible. When you express yourself from your heart, you feel good.</p>
<p>But how often do you act the way you think other people want you to act, stifling your True Self? How often do you later regret what you did or said because it wasn’t coming from your heart, it was coming from your desire to please?</p>
<p>Two of the top <a href="https://amzn.to/2IXPgxv" target="_blank" rel="noopener">regrets of the dying</a> are:</p>
<ol>
<li>I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.</li>
<li>I wish I had let myself be happier.</li>
</ol>
<p>It’s amazing how unhappy you can make yourself in an effort to make others happy. And I emphasize “in an effort to” because, as hard as you may try, it’s not in your power to make someone else happy. If they’re hell-bent on being unhappy, nothing you do can change it.</p>
<p><a href="https://www.simplemindfulness.com/how-to-be-happy/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Being happy is an inside job.</a> It’s a decision you make about how you see yourself and the world. Your happiness is dictated by the stories you make up about the things that happen to you and others.</p>
<h2>We Are Storytellers</h2>
<p>Everyone is making up their own stories, their own reality. For this reason, there can be no one reality because, as quantum physics has proven, what appears real is affected by the observer. It’s how two people can describe completely different “facts” after witnessing the same crime.</p>
<p>The stories you tell yourself have a variety of labels:</p>
<ul>
<li>Beliefs</li>
<li>Family traditions</li>
<li>Interpretations of past events</li>
<li>Societal norms</li>
</ul>
<p>How many of yours help you to be happier? Which ones are keeping you from experiencing happiness? Just because your family or friends believe something or “that’s the way it’s always been” doesn’t make it right or true for you.</p>
<p>I spent much of my life being mildly to <a href="https://www.simplemindfulness.com/transform-depression-and-anxiety-to-happiness/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">moderately depressed</a>. Following my parents’ ways of dealing with things, I looked outside of myself and regularly found others to blame for my woes which only damaged my relationships with those people and kept me depressed.</p>
<p>I was a bit of a control freak, trying to make other people be and act like I wanted them to because I thought that would make me happier. You can probably guess how well that worked.</p>
<p>After beating my head against the wall long enough because I wasn’t getting the results I wanted, I stopped. I began to see how I was repeating the same negative patterns with different people in my life and never getting what I was looking for.</p>
<h2>The Healing Begins</h2>
<p>Noticing that I was repeating these patterns was the first step in changing them. At first, I didn’t know what to do differently. I started journaling to see what was in my head and my heart. I started to uncover all the stories I held to be true and question them.</p>
<p>I realized that a big part of my unhappiness was that my heart felt stifled. I was doing what I thought others expected of me which wasn’t necessarily what was in my heart. That had <a href="https://www.simplemindfulness.com/the-art-of-helping-others/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">created anger and resentment in me</a> that I hadn’t realized was there.</p>
<p>As a child, it wasn’t safe for me to express my emotions, so I learned how to bury them very early on. It took me years to begin to understand all that I had buried, not letting myself feel whatever was there.</p>
<p>Like a volcano, all that pressure builds until something blows. I didn’t want a big explosion, so I learned how to begin to release the pressure slowly with therapy, journaling, and mindfulness.</p>
<p>While I would like to say that everything got better in a few months, that’s not how things work. This work has taken years to peel back the layers of stories and beliefs I’ve held to be true in order to find my True Self – to find my happiness.</p>
<p>The more I allow myself to do and think differently, regardless of what others might think, the closer I get to my happiness. The less I censor myself for fear of ridicule, the better I feel.</p>
<h2>What’s Wrong With Being Happy?</h2>
<p>Why is it so hard to simply express happiness for fear that others will wonder what’s wrong with you? For example, when someone asks, “How’s it going?” and the most socially acceptable response is, “Oh my gosh! <a href="https://www.simplemindfulness.com/handle-overwhelm/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">I’m so busy!</a>” which implies that there’s so much to do that I can’t possibly relax and enjoy myself. Somehow, being happy comes across as being selfish, so we just complain about something instead, like how there’s too much to do and too little time to do it and we’re a victim to the whole mess.</p>
<p>People look at you like you have two heads if you say something like, “Things are going great and I’m really happy.” To this, the other person would probably think, “Really? How is that possible?” with an imperceptible notion of, “How do you have the right to be happy when I’m so unhappy?”</p>
<p>This brings us back to the second regret of the dying: I wish I had let myself be happier.</p>
<p>It’s as if there’s only so much happiness to go around and if I take too much of it, I’m stealing someone else’s piece of the pie. Like we’re all only allowed a certain amount of happiness (which isn’t much) and others will be angry at us if we look or act too happy because life is supposed to be hard.</p>
<p>Yes, life can be challenging at times, but that doesn’t mean you have to suffer through it. Again, it’s all about the stories you tell yourself about it.</p>
<p>Instead of “Life is challenging now and this sucks” you could reframe it as “Life is challenging now because I need to learn something. What have I missed that I can learn now to make my life better going forward?”</p>
<p>You could also incorporate the second regret into your questioning: How can I have the courage to <a href="https://www.simplemindfulness.com/how-to-set-goals-that-will-increase-your-happiness/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">live a life true to myself</a>, not the life others expect of me?</p>
<p>What part of yourself have you been subduing that needs to see the light of day? How can you use that aspect of yourself to brighten someone’s day or make the world a little better? Or how can you express that aspect of yourself to feel a little happier?</p>
<p>The more often you express your true happiness, the more you give others the permission to do the same. Others have no problem complaining and expressing their unhappiness because society reinforces how normal this is. What if we all worked together to change this?</p>
<p>Ultimately, societal norms support this because taking responsibility for your own life and happiness without blaming others is harder to do. Just like zipping through the drive-thru of a fast food restaurant is easier than making a healthy meal at home, the easy option will leave you feeling sick and unhappy in the long term. Repeated on a daily basis, the fast food will land you in the hospital and the negative, victim thinking will keep you unhappy.</p>
<p>Both options (healthy and unhealthy) can easily become habits. Your daily habits create your life. Short-term pain leads to long-term gain. What seems difficult today can easily become a new healthy habit. This applies to exercise and diet as well as your internal thoughts and how you express yourself.</p>
<div class='tm-tweet-clear'></div>
<div class='tm-click-to-tweet'>
<div class='tm-ctt-text'><a href='https://twitter.com/share?text=You+are+what+you+think+and+do+every+day.%C2%A0+You+are+the+result+of+your+habits.&#038;via=simplemindfulns&#038;related=simplemindfulns&#038;url=https://www.simplemindfulness.com/how-to-be-happier-expressing-your-authentic-self/' target='_blank'>You are what you think and do every day. You are the result of your habits.</a></div>
<p><a href='https://twitter.com/share?text=You+are+what+you+think+and+do+every+day.%C2%A0+You+are+the+result+of+your+habits.&#038;via=simplemindfulns&#038;related=simplemindfulns&#038;url=https://www.simplemindfulness.com/how-to-be-happier-expressing-your-authentic-self/' target='_blank' class='tm-ctt-btn'>Click To Tweet</a></p>
<div class='tm-ctt-tip'></div>
</div>
<blockquote><p><em>“Happiness is a habit…cultivate it.”</em> ~Elbert Hubbard, 1856-1915, Writer, Publisher, and Artist</p></blockquote>
<h2>Simple Steps</h2>
<p>At the end of each day or throughout each day for one week, write down the tiny choices you made throughout the day that created either (or both) of the two regrets of the dying.</p>
<p>What small changes can you make tomorrow to allow you to be your True Self and be a little happier?</p>
<p>Mindfully notice how the subtle (or not-so-subtle) changes you make lead to different results.</p>
<p>Experiment. There’s no such thing as failure. Notice and learn from each experiment. Keep what works and change what doesn’t.</p>
<p>The process never ends. You’re not going to wake up one day and feel like you’re done.</p>
<p>After years of this myself, I was journaling one day and realized how much happier I was than I used to be. I realized that being happy didn’t mean I was giddy and skipping around (although that’s fun to do; you should try it!). It’s more a serene sense of contentment most of the time.</p>
<p>Ultimately, I had to learn how to be happy with myself and accept myself and my circumstances, no matter what. The happier I became with myself (which led me to stop trying to control others so they could “make” me happy), the easier it became to express my True Self without worrying about what others might think.</p>
<blockquote><p>“<em>Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.</em>” ~ Oscar Wilde</p></blockquote>
<p>It’s your job to find your True Self, your authentic self, and express it in everything you do and think. That’s your gift to the world.</p>
<p> ;</p>
<!--www.crestaproject.com Social Button in Content Start--><div id="crestashareiconincontent" class="cresta-share-icon fourth_style"><div class="sbutton crestaShadow facebook-cresta-share" id="facebook-cresta-c"><a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.facebook.com/sharer.php?u=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.simplemindfulness.com%2Fhow-to-be-happier-expressing-your-authentic-self%2F&;t=How+To+Be+Happier+by+Expressing+Your+Authentic+Self" title="Share on Facebook" onclick="window.open(this.href,'targetWindow','toolbars=0,location=0,status=0,menubar=0,scrollbars=1,resizable=1,width=640,height=320,left=200,top=200');return false;"><i class="cs c-icon-cresta-facebook"></i></a></div><div class="sbutton crestaShadow twitter-cresta-share classic-icon" id="twitter-cresta-c"><a rel="nofollow" href="https://twitter.com/intent/tweet?text=How+To+Be+Happier+by+Expressing+Your+Authentic+Self&;url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.simplemindfulness.com%2Fhow-to-be-happier-expressing-your-authentic-self%2F&;via=SimpleMindfulns" title="Share on Twitter" onclick="window.open(this.href,'targetWindow','toolbars=0,location=0,status=0,menubar=0,scrollbars=1,resizable=1,width=640,height=320,left=200,top=200');return false;"><i class="cs c-icon-cresta-twitter"></i></a></div><div class="sbutton crestaShadow linkedin-cresta-share" id="linkedin-cresta-c"><a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.linkedin.com/shareArticle?mini=true&;url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.simplemindfulness.com%2Fhow-to-be-happier-expressing-your-authentic-self%2F&;title=How+To+Be+Happier+by+Expressing+Your+Authentic+Self&;source=https://www.simplemindfulness.com/" title="Share to LinkedIn" onclick="window.open(this.href,'targetWindow','toolbars=0,location=0,status=0,menubar=0,scrollbars=1,resizable=1,width=640,height=320,left=200,top=200');return false;"><i class="cs c-icon-cresta-linkedin"></i></a></div><div class="sbutton crestaShadow pinterest-cresta-share" id="pinterest-cresta-c"><a rel="nofollow" href="javascript:void((function()%7Bvar%20e=document.createElement(&apos;script&apos;);e.setAttribute(&apos;type&apos;,&apos;text/javascript&apos;);e.setAttribute(&apos;charset&apos;,&apos;UTF-8&apos;);e.setAttribute(&apos;src&apos;,&apos;https://assets.pinterest.com/js/pinmarklet.js?r=&apos;+Math.random()*99999999);document.body.appendChild(e)%7D)());" title="Share on Pinterest"><i class="cs c-icon-cresta-pinterest"></i></a></div><div style="clear: both;"></div></div><div style="clear: both;"></div><!--www.crestaproject.com Social Button in Content End-->
How To Be Happier by Expressing Your Authentic Self
