You learn about people who lead amazing lives, doing things they love every day, living outside the norms of society. Your True Self excitedly says, “Wow! I wish I could do that!” Then your monkey mind throws a wet towel on the idea and says with a grimacing tone, “Yeah, right. Who do you think you are? You could never do anything like that.” And you go forth, believing your monkey mind, stuffing down your excitement and passions.
It doesn’t have to be that way. You have choices, and you can choose not to listen to the monkey mind who will do anything to maintain the status quo because it thinks the status quo is safe.
How do you get from where you are to that amazing life you’d love to live?
1) Reflect on what is and isn’t working in your life and visualize your perfect life.
Whether or not you know what your amazing life looks like, take some time to reflect on all aspects of your life: health, money, relationships, career, spirituality and your mind.
What do you love? What would you love to get rid of or change? What kinds of things are a must in your life?
Put together all the ‘must’s’ and ‘love’s’ and hand-write on paper how your perfect day would roll out for you. Where are you? Who are you with? What time do you get up and how do you feel when you wake up? What do you do first? What do you eat for breakfast? Then what? Unfold the day minute by minute, feeling how you would feel.
Keep what you’ve written in a prominent place so you can see it and get a touch of that feeling every day.
2) Identify your top 3 values.
In order to live your amazing life, you must live your own authentic life. Rich and famous might feel good for a short while, but, if you’re not living your core values in the process, it won’t make you happy for long.
In order to live your authentic life, you’ll need to identify your core values. What’s the most important thing in the world to you? What do you value so much that it couldn’t change over the course of your life?
We’re not talking about money, careers, the perfect partner or anything outside of you. We’re talking about who you are.
If you think of people and things outside of you, ask yourself what feelings those things bring to you. Keep asking, “What does that get you?” until you can’t go any deeper. That’s your core value.
Values are things like health, integrity, happiness, freedom, peace, love, connection, commitment, community, gratitude, passion. You can find examples by Googling “list of values.”
Once you identify your core values, every future decision you make will be much easier. If a choice conflicts with or doesn’t support your values, it will eventually drive you crazy. Working for a fat paycheck at a company whose culture conflicts with your values won’t last very long (been there, done that).
3) Don’t accept mediocrity for the rest of your life.
Don’t delude yourself into thinking that you can’t change what you’re doing because you’ve invested too much time or money into it. Those are sunk costs and there’s nothing you can do about them.
Every day you have the opportunity to make a new choice and new investments.
I know doctors and lawyers who ended long careers because they couldn’t take it anymore. Now they’re incredibly happy as artists, photographers, writers or alternative care practitioners.
What you did yesterday doesn’t have to dictate what you do today or tomorrow. Don’t listen to the people who say, “Why would you give that up? You have so much vested in it. Why just throw it all away?” The reality is that you’ll be throwing your happiness away for the next 20, 40 or 60 years if you don’t make a change now. That’s a long time.
Don’t accept the mediocrity you’ve chosen in the past. Don’t worry about making other people happy (they’re probably not working to make you happy, are they?).
Make a new choice right now to start going after your fabulous, new life.
4) Never let your ego believe that you’re too good or too big for anything.
Maybe you’re one of those doctors, lawyers or other professionals who think they couldn’t possibly follow their passion because it would be beneath them. They worked so hard to climb so high on the ladder, they couldn’t see themselves slipping down, even though the ladder is leaning against the wrong wall.
Years ago I was on the fast track to making partner at a large, international firm. When I was about a year away from jumping through that hoop, I had the revelation that I couldn’t possibly live like that for the rest of my life. I had no idea what I was supposed to do or be but I knew that wasn’t it. So I jumped. I jumped off the proverbial cliff and my wings opened wide and I soared.
In my two years of searching for my purpose, I waited tables, mucked horse stalls, cleaned rooms and cooked at a dude ranch. I trained horses and worked for a small school as a bookkeeper. Never in a million years could I have imagined myself doing those things as I was sitting in my 17th floor office in my suit. But they were some of the most amazing and enlightening experiences of my life.
Through those experiences, I learned who I was and what was important to me. I started to put the pieces together for what I wanted my perfect life to look like. Then I set about creating it, one day and one action at a time.
5) There’s magic in serendipity and happiness when you let go of plans and stop trying to control things.
In my corporate days, I had daily, weekly, annual, five year, and twenty year goals and plans. I felt completely in control. I was pretty uncomfortable with “going with the flow.”
But my intuition showed me a much better way, when I decided to listen to it.
As I said before, I knew where I didn’t want to be but I didn’t know where I wanted to be. By being open to whatever came next and listening to my intuition, I found the magic of being in the moment and allowing serendipity guide me.
It took a while but I learned to stop trying to plan and control everything. My experiences were showing me that the Universe had a much better plan for me than anything I could have dreamed up.
Over the years I’ve learned that I can control very little – only my own thoughts and actions. Most people see things the opposite way – they can somehow control the people and things around them but their thoughts and actions are merely reactions to those surroundings. That’s a recipe for a lifetime of frustration, anxiety, and stress.
By trading in specific goals for general intentions (i.e. how you want to feel or generally how you want your life to be), life gets much easier and happier and tons more fun!
6) When your intuition speaks, LISTEN and ACT on it.
You’re taught to ignore the “voices in your head,” the nudges you can’t explain, the feelings that try to guide you. You’re taught that your logical, thinking mind is smarter. And that usually leads you down the wrong path for you.
Your intuition knows what you need and will guide you in that direction, if you listen. Hearing the whispers of your intuition can take some practice. It’s a matter of being open and not assuming that your logical mind has all the answers.
When you get a feeling or a message that you feel that you need to follow, follow it and see where it leads you. If you don’t follow it, those feelings and messages will get stronger and you’ll either end up following them anyway, or you’ll be miserable and possibly sick while you keep them stuffed down.
7) Be open to anything.
As I mentioned before, your monkey mind will screech and go crazy trying to keep you “safe” in your status quo. Your logical mind will tell you that it knows best. Unfortunately, these parts of you will never be as wise as your intuition or your True Self.
In order to follow the whispers of your intuition, you’ll need to be open to them. That’s where the magic happens. When you follow the whispers, you’ll step into new experiences and adventures that you could never have dreamed up for yourself.
By being open and accepting whatever comes, you’ll learn to surf the waves of life instead of being beaten by them. When you remain open, with the curious attitude of, “Oh boy! I can’t wait to see what’s next!” life becomes a fun adventure.
8) Know that you can handle anything life throws your way.
Being open to anything means experiences that you may interpret as “good” or “bad.” How you choose to interpret them is up to you. Choose wisely as your choice can determine how you’ll feel. Do you want to feel good or bad?
No matter how challenging a situation might be, the Universe will never deal you more than you can handle. It’s like the old saying: What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.
I like to believe that everything happens for a reason. Every situation can offer a lesson, a little “aha!” moment if you look deeply into yourself.
Each experience you encounter is part of your evolution. It makes you who you’re becoming.
9) Life is a series of experiences and experiments that only have the meaning you give them.
I’ve often heard that the point of life is to live, love and learn. Doesn’t sound like there’s an end or a point to that, eh? And that’s exactly the point.
Life is a series of experiences where we can live life to the fullest, learn and share what we learn along the way and spread the endless love that’s part of our nature with everyone around us.
Failure (and most negative emotions) only exists when you set expectations and those expectations aren’t met. Why not let go of expectations and be present to the gifts that arrive along the way?
Instead of worrying about failing, look at new experiences as experiments from which you can learn valuable life lessons – or simply have fun!
Have you always wanted to write a book? Then make a little time each day to start writing. Maybe you’ll discover that it’s not as exciting as you thought and you’d rather not pursue the idea. Lesson learned. Time to move on to your next idea. Or maybe you love it and write ten books. You won’t know until you make the time to start and remain open to how you feel along the way.
10) Keep stepping out of your comfort zone and having more amazing experiences.
If you want your life to be more than it is today, you have to be more than you are today. You have to think, feel and act differently. That means getting out of your comfort zone and doing something that feels uncomfortable on a regular basis.
The more you do this, the easier it gets (I speak from experience). Years ago, meeting new people and trying new things scared the crap out of me. Now I look forward to both with an eagerness to make a new friend, learn something new, share a part of myself, open my eyes or someone else’s to new possibilities and generally make my life more amazing.
When the opportunity arises to take a baby step out of your comfort zone today, take it. What’s the worst that could happen? If it isn’t yours or someone else’s death, it’s not that bad.
Life is short – too short. You have options. It’s your job to live your own life to the fullest on your own terms, not anyone else’s.
I’ve learned that living my own amazing life isn’t selfish at all. Quite the opposite. The more I experience and learn, the more passionate I become about life. And that passion spreads like the flame of a candle. Other people see what’s possible and light up. Then other flames of passion are ignited.
What step can you take today to move a little closer to your own amazing life?
Create the life you want: Combine the law of attraction with mindfulness
The law of attraction suggests that our positive or negative thoughts bring about positive or negative experiences. My latest book, The Mindful Guide to Law of Attraction, pairs that belief with the powerful practices of mindfulness. Through intentional breathing, writing, and engaging, you’ll hone a method for manifesting health, wealth, and love―the elements of happiness.
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To your happiness! ~Paige
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The Mindful Living Guide
Wow, very powerful concepts. Thanks for putting them all in one, well written article. I like the way you think. I especially like the idea of moving toward the way you want your amazing life to feel vs. Having specific, measurable goals. This “flow” mentality is powerful and doesn’t tend to bog me down or frustrate me like the feelings associated with reaching, or more often not reaching, goals. Are you in the coaching business?
Steve,
I’m glad to hear that this framework works for you! Yes, I do work with select clients on a limited basis. Please email me directly at Paige [at] PaigeBurkes [dot] com to discuss further.
Hi Paige this fabulous post definitely resonates with me. It is an inspiring reminder of how I want to live. Thank you.
Thanks so much Robert! These habits have certainly changed my life for the better!
Hi Paige,
Great advice!
Although I try and live like this I feel sometimes too conditioned to change.
However I do feel that my wife and I have brought up our two children to live their lives as you have noted and they live wonderful lives.
That’s awesome Frank! Changing that old conditioning can be challenging but possible, when your “why” is powerful enough for you. Love that you’ve passed on your wisdom to your kids. I’m working on doing the same. Have an amazing day!
what, where, how do you do anything if you have no money and everything has been taken from you. after struggling for last 5 yrs when my ex husband abandoned his family and left us homeless, moneyless and emotionally broken i am still at same spot as i cant afford to do all the things i want. always wanted to travel but not possible without money. if you have a good anwser to this i would be grateful
As incredibly tough as your situation is, Liz, you’re not alone, and there are many people who have pulled themselves out of your position. Instead of focusing on what you don’t have (home, money, etc.), focus on what you do have and express your gratitude for that. You have your health, your kids, the ability to get on the internet (which holds the key to all the information and assistance you can imagine and more). When you focus on what you don’t have and how bad things are, you’ll get more of that.
Take some time to focus on how you want your life, your average day, to be. Write it out in as much minute-by-minute detail as possible. How does that make you feel? Why do you want what you want? What are your core values and how does what you want align with your values? Write all this out and let it swim around in your thoughts for a few days.
Then think of one small thing you can do that could move you in that direction. For example, if you want to travel but money is tight, get online and search for “travel hacking” or “world travel on a shoe string” or “travel for cheap” and see where that leads you. Or, if you want to start an online business that you can do from anywhere, search for sites about that (there are tons of them). This would allow you to make money as you travel, or, perhaps, make money based on your experiences as you travel. What can you teach others? What are you known for? What comes easy to you that’s difficult for other people?
Start small. Fail early and often – that’s the fastest path to success as you define it. Take action every day.
Use what you have now and what you know to take action. The most solid progress usually happens in baby steps.
Stop blaming your ex and the past for where you are now. Only you can create the future you want. It’s up to you to take responsibility for your choices today and forward and ensure that those choices are moving you in the direction you want.
I’m not saying that this is easy. You’ll hit bumps along the way. But you’ll be moving away from what you don’t want and a little closer to what you do want.
What is the essence of living without breaking norms, challenging status quo and adding value to the world? Living a life conditioned to play a supportive role to the big players is a big waste of precious talent and the wonderful gift of life. I believe in living a life that builds a specific legacy which would guarantee that a unique identity is left behind for posterity to enjoy.
What a great outlook Ayietim! We all have unique gifts to share with the world. It’s our duty to do whatever is necessary to release our gifts, even if that means breaking norms and challenging the status quo.
Wonderfully said Paige. I recently had another opportunity to follow my intuition and walk away from a position that seemed great on paper and was even very philanthropic. For some reason it just didn’t sit right with me and luckily I was able to let it go. In less then a day another great opportunity came forward that could potentially pave the way for the business my wife and I are aspiring to start. Intuition 27, logic 0!
That’s awesome to hear Atulya! Our intuitions always know what’s best for us. The challenge is always listening to the messages, despite the screeching of our monkey minds (and many of the people around us).
All the best to you with your new opportunities!!
This post is a wonderful guide to mindful and adventurous living. It contains a lot of worthwhile thoughts to reflect on, especially the suggestion to “let go of expectations and be present to the gifts that arrive along the way.” Nice!
Thanks so much Joel! Intentionally living your own awesome life relies heavily on noticing the whispers and nuances that most people ignore. Being too focused on watching for expected results is one way of ignoring life’s greatness.
All the best to you and your amazing life!