I’m probably like most people who carry their smartphone around with them everywhere, checking something on it many times a day.
We need to be needed, and all those notifications make us feel needed. Emails, social media updates, texts, reminders – they never stop.
But what if they did stop? What if there wasn’t anything to check? How would you feel?
My mindfulness practice has helped me to shine a light on the effects of technology on my life.
Since I have an office job, I spend a good part of my day at my desk in front of my computer with my phone nearby.
After checking something on my phone one day, I noticed how my brow furrowed and my face automatically tensed up while I was doing anything on my phone. As soon as I put it down, my brow relaxed and I opened up to what was in front of me.
I also noticed how I mentally blocked out almost everything around me when I was checking my phone. It was as if nothing (and no one) else existed. I was prioritizing whatever I was looking at on my phone.
After having a few of these revelations, I started to wonder what else I was missing in life.
While my conscious, logical mind reminded me that nothing on my phone was more important than what was happening in “real life,” my subconscious mind said, “Yeah, but look at your phone and check, just in case.”
The Joys of Being Unplugged
Last Sunday, the weather was beautiful. All too often, I’m busy on the weekends cooking for my family and spending a lot of time on the never-ending list of cleaning chores necessary in a house full of kids and animals.
My six year old daughter, using her innate wisdom, informed everyone that we were going to have a picnic that day. She pestered me incessantly until I helped her gather the snacks and blanket to make the picnic happen. I was so happy that she did.
We live in the woods and have a beautiful little picnic spot in the rock formations next to our house. We all hiked up to our spot and laid out the picnic, enjoying the food, sun and all being together.
Around the time the kids got up to play on the rocks, I noticed a visceral need to check some bit of technology. It felt like something in my gut was pulling me back to the house to check my phone or something.
When my conscious self noticed that feeling, I laughed. I knew that there was absolutely nothing more important at that moment than being there with and for my family, enjoying the moment. But I still felt the pull.
After our picnic, we walked over to a field where we play touch football. Since there are five of us, I usually watch from the sidelines, getting water or anything else that the other players need.
Standing on the sidelines, I felt the urge again. And I laughed at myself again. I did a little focused relaxation on my gut and my thoughts. Then I brought myself back to the moment, standing in the sun on a warm, gorgeous day, having fun with my family.
After these experiences, I resolved not to check my phone, computer or iPad for the rest of the day.
In doing that, I could be fully present to the joy of a Sunday afternoon at home with my family.
I relaxed on the sofa, reading and hanging out with my husband. I played games with my kids and invited them to help me cook dinner, which they love to do.
The more times I noticed the urge to check a device and pushed the urge aside, the easier it was to relax into the joy of the moment.
The Monkey Mind Returns
The next weekend I had some work that had to get done before Monday morning. On Saturday, my husband took the kids to run some errands so I could stay home and get my work done. I finished the important things but left a few items that could wait until Monday.
On Sunday, I knew that resting, being unplugged for the day and taking care of myself were exactly what I needed in order to have enough energy for the upcoming week.
But I felt that tug, my monkey mind telling me that I should sneak into my office while my husband was busy and get one more thing done on my computer.
My monkey mind tries to convince me that it will lessen my stress if I get a little more done every day, even the days when I know that resting is a wiser choice. Sometimes the monkey wins, but I’m learning how to tame him.
>>>> Click here to get your free copy of “7 Keys to Getting Things Done with Purpose”!
The Power of Commitment
When I felt the tug to secretly work on Sunday, the concept of commitment popped into my head. I learned the true value of commitment about six years ago when I used it to save my marriage.
When you commit to something, you’re either in or you’re out. There’s no 99% commitment. There’s no “I’ll commit until it stops working for me.” You either do it or you don’t.
At that point, I realized that I wasn’t committing to caring for myself. By allowing that tug to work, I realized that I hadn’t committed to resting. In that moment, I said to myself, “I am fully committed to resting and doing whatever my body tells me it needs today.”
A wave of relaxation washed over me. The tug disappeared. I could fully enjoy the book I was reading and the cozy feeling of sitting on the sofa with my tea – at least until one of my kids needed me for something.
I realized that I needed to make more commitments to myself to do the things I know are best for me, whether that’s relaxing and being unplugged at least one day each weekend or saying no to distractions at work and focusing on an important project.
In my busy life, I doubt I would have been able to make these revelations and choices without my mindfulness practice. It’s one of those “simple but not always easy” daily habits developed over time that reminds me to stop and notice what’s going on in my body.
When I listen, I can hear the whisper of my True Self telling me what’s going on inside me and what I need in that moment. The more I take the time to listen, the easier it is to hear Her voice.
Simple Steps
If you feel like you can’t live without your phone, try it for a day. Trust me, everything will be there waiting for you the next day. The world won’t implode if you don’t respond to everyone and everything the same day.
- Choose one day each week when unplugging makes the most sense for you. I choose Sunday’s because no one is expecting any work from me, and I’m home with my family.
- Turn off (don’t just silence) all of your electronic devices, and hide them in a room you’re unlikely to visit that day. Out of sight, out of mind.
- Make a plan for what you’ll do that day. Ideally, this is a great day for simply being with very little doing. Unplugging allows your mind and nerves to rest. Choose to spend your time in ways that support this purpose.
- Commit to your plan. Make a commitment to yourself to do nothing but your plan and anything else that supports the purpose of taking care of you.
- Do whatever you planned. Read, take a hot bath, treat yourself to a massage, take a long walk, spend time with people who make you feel great and genuinely you, go out on an adventure and explore your external environment or your internal one with journaling, sit in nature, meditate, watch a great movie or two – whatever helps you to unwind and reconnect with yourself.
- At the end of the day, smile, inside and out, while you reflect on a day of reconnecting with yourself.
- Make your plan for next week. It’s proven that anticipating something you enjoy helps you to enjoy it even more and helps you to feel happier for a longer period of time with the anticipation.
>>> Click here to get your free copy of “7 Keys to Getting Things Done with Purpose”!
Create the life you want: Combine the law of attraction with mindfulness
The law of attraction suggests that our positive or negative thoughts bring about positive or negative experiences. My latest book, The Mindful Guide to Law of Attraction, pairs that belief with the powerful practices of mindfulness. Through intentional breathing, writing, and engaging, you’ll hone a method for manifesting health, wealth, and love―the elements of happiness.
Let the law of attraction work for you by adopting its basic steps of identifying and visualizing the things you desire. Then use 45 practical meditation techniques included in the book to achieve awareness. By concentrating your positive energy on obtaining your wants, you’ll give yourself permission to receive them.
To your happiness! ~Paige
You can find this book at Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Books-A-Million, and Indigo.
The Mindful Living Guide
Maybe it’s not the smartphone but more the being online. I do the same with my smartphone as I did with my old mobile before; it’s more for “emergencies”. But the hard pull is the being online; online at work, online at home – working, recreation, gaming. I enjoy time without the internet but then there’s this pull to get back – just a quick google and bam the time flies by. The funny thing is you don’t actually miss something when not being online; hey the world still turns even I stopped consuming news years ago.
I agree with you Jens! There’s so much stuff online that I think we all have FOMO (fear of missing out). I too pulled the plug on news many years ago which reduces stress and worry about things that have no impact on my life. Over the years, I’ve proven the theory: If something is important, I’ll find out about it somehow (husband, coworkers, etc.). I’m trying to focus more on reading physical books (fiction and non-fiction) to get my head offline for a bit each day. Taking meditation breaks throughout the day helps too.
The “pull” you describe sounds like addiction. I completely understand. One of my best days recently was the day after I forgot my phone at work. I was much more relaxed all day. I need to start having days like that by choice.
It’s great that you noticed the difference in days with and without your phone – and that having it around is a choice. So many people think that they can’t live without it – until they have to live without it. Years ago when I worked in a city and had an iPhone, I felt that I couldn’t possibly live without it. Then I switched to working from home full time (where there’s no cell service). I couldn’t justify the monthly expense of service for a smart phone so I turned it off and stopped using the phone. It didn’t take me long to realize that, while it makes some things more convenient, it’s certainly not a necessity in life.
I loved how you shared your personal tug of war in this piece, Paige. I’m lucky I don’t have or use a SMART phone. I have a simple mobile that I use infrequently, only when I’m traveling a distance in the car a few times a month. But I feel everything you describe in relation to being on my computer, online, and on social media! Congratulations on creating some unplugged days and enjoying them so much. This is an inspiration for me!
I think smart phones can be both a blessing and a curse. They can make so many little aspects of life easier but, in the process, can create an unhealthy reliance or even addiction. Like everything else in life, we need to learn how to balance the good with the bad. All the best to you, Sandra, in your unplugging experiments!
Interesting how that ‘pull’ affects so many of us, so often Paige. I love that you learned to laugh at it…I’ve always thought the easiest way to let go of what we don’t want is to laugh about it.
Personally it’s getting easier to recognize that self-imposed stress I lay on myself over things, that in the long run don’t matter a damn. Families matter, love matters, health matters, spirit matters, as for the rest of it…I’m more able to think…I really don’t give two hoots! 🙂
I couldn’t agree with you more Elle! Yet, it’s funny how often we unconsciously prioritize our days around the things that don’t matter as much. It goes back to intentional lifestyle design that incorporates the things that matter into the day-to-day things we need to do.
Great piece Paige, and I so agree. It’s weird how it can be so hard to do – but then the companies who run these *want* our attention, so have a lot of people working on how to do it! It can be revealing how often we casually pick up our phones without even thinking about it – sometimes I put mine out of reach as one way of checking this automaton behaviour.
You’re right Ellen! The amount of research and money that goes into discovering how the brain works and how it can be persueded/controlled is mind-boggling. Learning more about the subtle nuances of marketing has certainly opened my eyes into how we’re such emotionally driven creatures, even when we think we’re being logical. It takes a regular mindfulness practice to help us notice those little habits that we practice so often.
Funny I was just thinking yesterday that I need to unplug mainly from Facebook. I always am amazed that when I do everything and everyone is still there. The ideal I think is to have a VA to take care so you only do what makes your heart sing thank for the challenge
Oh, Suzie, how I would love to have a VA! All the little things we do every day that we hardly think about but that consume so much of our time. My challenge is finding a good one because there are so many out there these days.
One big lesson that I learned many years ago is: The world will go on with or without us. It’s our choice to determine how we enjoy the ride.