Sometimes life has a way of getting in the way of our happiness and our ability to be grateful. We get in a funk and are only capable of seeing what’s wrong.
I’ve been working myself silly lately on projects I love with crazy deadlines. After about three months of this, my body and psyche are telling me they’ve had enough. Instead of looking outward to be open to others, they’re shutting down and focusing on the negative.
After operating on overdrive for the past three months, my mind is losing its ability to focus and see the good all around me. Without sufficient rest, it starts looking for what it doesn’t have and that can be much more than rest.
Because of my crazy schedule and lack of energy and focus, it’s been entirely too long since I’ve written here. And that really sucks.
I’ve been moaning about people close to me not wanting to spend time with me, not getting out and doing fun things, not having time to rest, not…, not…, not… As if someone is going to swoop in and suddenly deliver on all my complaints. Ha!
Even someone who understands mindfulness and personal responsibility at a very deep level can get off track and forget the basics.
Time for Change: Focus on the Great Stuff
I’m finally snapping out of it. Just as I was being cranky about certain people not wanting to spend time with me, it dawned on me: In order for them to want to spend time with me, I need to be the kind of person they would want to spend time with. Not the tired, cranky witch I’ve been lately. Duh!
And how do I do that? By shifting from focusing on what’s missing from my life to all the awesomeness in my life right now. Things like:
- My amazing, supportive family
- Looking into the deep, beautiful blue pools of my children’s eyes
- The wonderfully beautiful place where I live
- My health
- My 3+ hour commute each day that gives me time for solitude, thinking and learning from listening to books and great podcasts
- Yoga and meditation – while the time for them has been reduced lately, I couldn’t live without them
- The great, supportive people I work with every day
- My job where I have the freedom to create positive change and support others professionally and personally
- Being able to work from home occasionally
- Healthy foods
- A supportive and encouraging community here at Simple Mindfulness (thank you so much!!)
Now that I’ve pulled my thinking out of the mud, I’m ready to make time for the things I love, the things that energize and nourish me. It’s time to prioritize myself.
I’m the one that chooses how I spend my time. If I’m “too busy” for something, I’m simply saying that something or someone else is more important. We all make time for what our subconscious deems most important.
Yes, I’ve been working with a number of challenging (mostly self-induced) deadlines at work but I’m human and can only do so much in a day. I’m seeing and feeling the negative effects of pushing too hard for too long.
It’s time to slow down, take better care of myself, rest and have some fun.
And how do I do that? By making more conscious choices about how I spend my time. By regularly reminding myself that I get less of what I want when I don’t take care of myself and push myself too hard. The less I give to myself, the less I have to give to others and the well quickly runs dry.
From today forward I’m:
- Making time for my full yoga and meditation practice
- Eating and drinking healthier
- Deeply breathing more often
- Playing with my family more often
- Getting back to a regular writing routine
- Reminding myself that things won’t fall apart when I take care of myself.
Notice the Beliefs that Drive You
One of my most damaging subconscious thoughts has been that work comes before play. I think this is one of the most insidious beliefs in our society that leads to unhappiness. Here are some of its damaging implications:
- Work and play cannot be the same thing.
- Work isn’t supposed to be fun.
- Play is a frivolity that shouldn’t be taken seriously.
- Play has little or no benefit.
- Work is always most important.
- Nothing productive will happen if we aren’t working.
- Bad things will happen if we don’t get all our work done.
Under this premise, there’s never time for play because there’s always plenty of work to be done. And if we’re always working, we can’t be having fun. And if we’re not having fun, we can’t be happy.
I’m working very hard to reprogram this limiting and damaging belief because I’ve experienced the exact opposite of the above implications. I know they’re all lies.
Play is critically important to our well-being. Work, especially busy work, is not.
A powerful way to put work in its place is to create a distinct time and place for it. Put limits on it and know that the sky won’t fall on you if you don’t keep working until everything is done. It will never be done. Your inbox will still be full on the day you die. [Tweet this]
Decide what your work hours and place are and don’t let them ooze into the rest of your fun-filled life.
You can also find ways of changing how you see work so that work can be fun (maybe not every minute of it but most of the time).
4 Simple Steps to Happiness
Sometimes it can feel very difficult to get yourself out of a rut. Here are four easy steps to shift you in a happier direction:
Step 1: Realize you’re in a rut and want to get out.
Step 2: Shift your thinking from what you don’t have to what you do have.
Step 3: Prioritize yourself instead of work and other people’s priorities. The more you put yourself low on your priority list, the more your life will suck.
Step 4: Act on your revised priorities. Take care of yourself first. Put work in its place. Do this every day.
What can you change to choose yourself today?
Calling all readers!
I write about quite a variety of topics, looking at them through the eyes of mindfulness. I tend to write about things I’m experiencing in my own life.
But I want to make sure I’m writing about what you want to read. Are there questions you’d like me to answer? Topics you would like me to write about or write more about? Wondering about different ways of looking at the same old things?
I want to hear from you! Leave a comment or send me an email at Paige [at] PaigeBurkes [dot] com and let me know what you’re up to and how I can support you.
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David and I discuss what was going on in my head when I left a great job in Boston to venture west and into the unknown to create the life of my dreams. We also discuss my approach to life that anyone can adopt that keeps me happy. Check it out HERE!
Living intentionally means being present to the moment, living your values and ending up where you intended to be, living how you intended to live.
But there's no way to really do that unless you have thought about where you want to end up and how you want to live. It's the "how" part that we all seem to forget about.
In this list of 100 Things To Do Before You Die, you'll be challenged because you won't just be thinking about your adventures. You'll also be thinking about the ways you want to grow, learn and give. This gets you focused on the "how."
Go ahead and dive into this list, and if you want the full 100 Things, get them here at Wishing Well Coach, a blog for people who want to have more fun and do what they care about at work.
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