And nothing changes.
We wish, pray, meditate and visualize harder.
What are we doing wrong?
The Definition of Insanity
Most of us spend much of our time thinking about what’s wrong with our lives.
And then we wait for someone or something outside of ourselves to magically happen in order for us to be happy and life to be good.
We keep doing what we’ve always done, hoping for a change.
Day, months, years fly by and little in our lives changes. We begin to accept that this is “the way life is” and we stop dreaming.
Then we start to spread our misery by telling everyone around us that this is “reality.” Great lives happen to other people and we’ll never be one of those blessed and chosen few.
Cut the Crap
OK. You’re smarter than this. You’re not one of those people anymore.
You know things will get better.
You’re visualizing your future.
You’re reading the books and buying the courses.
You’re telling all your friends that there’s a better way.
And when things don’t go your way, you start blaming your partner, your job, your kids, your finances. “They” are getting in your way of realizing your dream. You dwell on how they’re messing up your life. You commiserate with your friends and family.
You’re right and they’re wrong.
This used to be me.
I was the holier-than-thou prophet of personal development. I thought I had it all figured out.
I couldn’t have been more wrong.
Giving It Up
I was a control freak. I tried to control most of the people in my life, money, decisions, time and anything else I could think of.
I thought that, if I could control everything, then all my visualizing and thinking would make my wishes come true.
But by trying to control everything, I controlled the life out of most of it and myself.
After years of frustration, I came to an all-time low point in my life.
When I felt that everything I had tried wasn’t working and I couldn’t think of what to do next, I let go. It felt like giving up.
It was scary as hell because I was finally acknowledging my lack of control. The lack of control that had existed all along that I didn’t want to see.
Along with this, I began to see how I was creating this life I didn’t want. Instead of blaming others for my unhappiness (because I couldn’t control them), I realized that I was doing it to myself by resisting the changes that were necessary inside me.
I realized that I was capable of being different. I didn’t have to fall back on my old excuse of “that’s just the way I am.” I had choices. I could respond differently. I could see things differently. I could create a different reality for myself. It didn’t mean that I had been wrong. It meant that I had options.
And that’s when my life changed for the better.
Find Your New Way
If your life isn’t quite going the way you would like or if it flat-out sucks, know that you have the power to change it.
There are all the incredibly successful people out there who came from dirt who openly tell their stories so that we can close the door on any excuses we may have for why we can’t change our lives.
It’s your choice. Everything is your choice.
How do you do it?
Simple Steps to Creating Your Awesome Life
1. Decide what you want.
Stop focusing on what’s wrong with your life. Most people don’t know how to realize their dreams because they don’t even know what their dreams are.
What would your life look like if you were living your dreams? Who would you be with? Where would you live? What would you do every day, all day long?
Yes, lying on the beach drinking margaritas is fun for a while but, at some point, your heart will yearn for more.
What are your passions? What makes your heart sing? What could you do day after day without getting tired of it?
2. Decide that you can have it.
This is a big step that most people miss.
The conscious mind dreams, meditates, prays and visualizes a wonderful life while the subconscious says, “Yeah, right. Get real.”
Instead of glossing over the subconscious with positive thinking, acknowledge it. Have a conversation with it.
This is the source of the fears and resistance that keep us where we are. If we don’t let them have their say, they’ll undermine all of our hard work.
Acknowledge them and find ways for them to work with you on your journey.
3. Know that you’re the only one that’s going to make it happen and you’re the only one who can get in your way.
Blaming is history. What good has it done anyway?
It’s the easy excuse for not taking personal responsibility for our lives.
It gives away our power and freedom to others.
It’s for wimps and slackers. Not for you.
You’re going to make your dreams happen and you’re not going to let anyone or anything stop you. All you have to do is decide that it’s so.
When things go great, pat yourself and all those who supported you on the back.
When things go sideways and south, step back and learn from it then move forward again. Be grateful you learned something new.
4. Do something different.
The definition of insanity is to keep doing the same thing and expecting a different result.
With the end result in mind from step one, think backwards to where you are now.
What are three little things you can do today, this week, that will move you toward your vision?
Do them. No excuses.
Keep doing something every day.
Nothing awesome happens overnight. It’s the culmination of tons of baby steps.
As you’re taking your baby steps forward, spend some time seeing your life today from the perspective of the you who has already achieved your dreams.
What kind of guidance is that future you giving you?
Listen to that advice. It’s your Higher Self, your intuition, guiding you.
5. Be grateful for all that’s great in your life. Feel good.
Start a gratitude journal. Every day write at least ten things you’re grateful for and vary the list each day.
Be grateful for your strengths, your weaknesses, the people in your life (even the pains in your ass), the weather, your job (even if you’re working to leave it), the food you eat, your home, car, computer. Everything.
Do things and think things that make you feel good every day.
All that crap in your life that you complain about? Find some way of looking at it in a positive light and genuinely believe it. We’re not talking about sugar-coating the nasty stuff. We’re talking about finding something genuinely good about that stuff and stop labeling it as nasty. Find a label that feels good.
Simply do whatever it takes to see everything in your life in a way that makes you feel good.
If you don’t feel good, none of the other steps will work. Or they will for a while and then your old life will snap back in your face.
See and feel your future and talk to your future self.
Know that this vision is your new way of life.
Know that only you can make it happen.
Take daily action and feel good about it. Have fun.
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Having trouble focusing? Here are my secrets and those of 36 other very smart and focused people: 99 Smart Ideas: How to Focus: 37 Experts Reveal Their Best Tips.
Hear the story of my life on the Join Up Dots podcast! http://bit.ly/jud-465
David and I discuss what was going on in my head when I left a great job in Boston to venture west and into the unknown to create the life of my dreams. We also discuss my approach to life that anyone can adopt that keeps me happy. Check it out HERE!
Living intentionally means being present to the moment, living your values and ending up where you intended to be, living how you intended to live.
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In this list of 100 Things To Do Before You Die, you'll be challenged because you won't just be thinking about your adventures. You'll also be thinking about the ways you want to grow, learn and give. This gets you focused on the "how."
Go ahead and dive into this list, and if you want the full 100 Things, get them here at Wishing Well Coach, a blog for people who want to have more fun and do what they care about at work.
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